Bmag May 7th - Little Black Dress!

You didn’t, did you?” “Yup,” I replied. “Oh dear. You’re a young fellow. I’ve been married for nearly 40 years. Let me share this with you. Men should never, ever buy clothes for women!”

Now, if only I’d consulted this cabbie before Nikki’s birthday instead of the day after! It’s not easy finding the perfect present for your missus and, I’ll admit, most years I end up at a record store buying CDs or DVDs. Nikki really likes music so they’re usually appreciated but I’m always left with this nagging feeling that I’m being boring, sticking to a shop in which I’m comfortable, rather than getting something that’s truly special. So this year I decided to buy Nikki a dress. Having sauntered past a few shops, nonchalantly glancing in, trying not to seem too keen, my eye was suddenly taken by a window mannequin donning a sensational little black number. It was a reasonably short dress, with shoulder straps but no sleeves and very little fabric on the sides. If I had to pin it down, I’d probably call it 20-something racewear. Is there such a thing? (Can you tell that I’ve never hosted a fashion parade or written for a style magazine?!)

After 10 minutes standing outside this boutique, I gathered my courage, walked in, confidently selected Nikki’s size and presented said dress at the counter. And this is where I should have picked up the hints. “Who are you buying for?” I was asked. “My wife,” I proudly declared. “Really?” she asked. “How old is she?” Now, rather than asking myself “what does this young shop assistant know that I don’t?” or “why does she need to know Nikki’s age?” I pushed on, “39,” I said. A further disapproving look. Another clue missed. For a split second, I must have questioned whether Nikki would indeed wear this revealing LBD – see, now I’m getting into the lingo! – for I asked “would she wear a shirt under it?” Seriously? How hopeless am I? The answer: “No, sir, you wouldn’t wear anything underneath it.” And then the killer: “Look, if she wants to bring it back, that’s no problem. Just keep the receipt.”

So I paid for the dress and strode out of the shop just a little bit excited about my achievement! A quick glance over my shoulder at the mannequin, a moment to imagine Nikki looking sensational, showing off a little bit of skin, and I headed home to wrap and hide the present. Next morning at the ABC, several hours before giving Nikki her present, I sketched the dress for my colleagues and asked their opinion. Was I having niggling doubts? Everyone appeared very supportive and said it was great that I had bought clothes, not more CDs, but there was also quite a bit of eye-rolling and comments like “you men are all the same!” My radio producer Anne told me the story of another hapless husband who once bought his wife underwear for Christmas. It turned out the bra was too busty and the bottoms way too small! Still, this woman took it as a great compliment (before returning them to the shop!)

Later that day, my chest puffed out, I presented Nikki with her birthday present. She slowly pulled the dress out of its wrapping and declared: “How old do you think I am? 12? I would never wear this!” When I came to tell the story to the married-40-years taxi driver, he wasn’t at all surprised. He had one more piece of advice for me: “Whatever you do, let her take it back. On her own. Don’t go with her”! Thankfully, a caller to the ABC’s “Cereal Box” voicemail, Daphne of Tivoli, saved the day. After I told the story on radio, Daphne called to say, “your wife doesn’t need birthday presents because she’s got the greatest gift that God could ever have given – you! Believe you-me, I hear it in your voice, the love that you have for her and she has for you. No present can replace that.” When Nikki heard the call, she emailed me: “That’s beautiful. I have tears – some of laughter – but that is so sweet!” Phew. Back in the good books. For now.

Bmag 23rd April 2013 - Expo memories

The 25th anniversary of World Expo ’88 is almost upon us. The six-month party, where South Bank is now, opened on April 30th 1988 and if you were there, it’s time to reflect and celebrate all over again! Expo was, as Lord Mayor Graham Quirk described it at the opening of the Museum of Brisbane’s Expo exhibition “Light Fantastic”, a “game-changer” for our city. It opened our eyes to a world beyond Bribie Island, it introduced us the concept of being out at night – even during the week! – and, along with the Commonwealth Games six years earlier, it was gave us confidence that “big country town” Brisbane could perform on the world stage.

Naturally our clinging to Expo puzzles those too young to remember. I saw this tweet the other day from @Sleemol: “Brisbane’s obsession with constantly reflecting on Expo confuses me. It sounds like it was a good event – in 1988. Let’s move on. Surely this city’s best days are yet to come? The Expo nostalgia feels a bit like we’re conceding nothing like it will ever happen again”. That was greeted with this response from @Bundynelle: “No, leave us be to enjoy good memories. I get sad when people tell us `oldies’ to move on.”

So has there been another Expo-like experience since 1988? Sure, there was the 2001 Goodwill Games but – apart from the bridge named in its honour – it’s rarely mentioned. The G20 meeting of world leaders later this year might be a huge coup for Brisbane but with the street closures and motorcades, it’s not likely to leave us feeling like we’ve all been to an amazing party. The 2018 Gold Coast (and Brisbane –some of the event are being held here) Commonwealth Games is perhaps our next chance to tap that Expo feeling. Certainly for a generation not old enough to remember the 1982 Games or Expo, it will form memories to last a lifetime but the six-month party that was Expo ’88 will still take some beating!

When I began pondering this topic on Facebook, Chris Williams offered: “No event has been larger. It was where we learnt how to queue, how to start up a conversation with a stranger, and most importantly, how to thoroughly enjoy ourselves!”

My Expo memories? Well, I was only 16 so I certainly never went inside the Munich Festhaus (that’s not to say I didn’t learn the Chicken Dance that year!) Funnily enough, 25 years on, I get to visit every weekday. The ABC studios at South Bank have been built on the exact location of the Festhaus! Mum worked in the Queensland Pavilion. She could get me VIP access to any pavilion which – given the length of the queues, especially for the New Zealand Pavilion – was quite simply the best Expo perk! What I loved about the Queensland Pavilion itself was the Reuters news wire on computers in the main entrance. Geeky at the time, but understandable given where I’ve ended up in life, I used to call in on my way home from school (I would catch the train from Central to Manly) and sit there in school uniform scrolling through the breaking news stories! Not too many others will include that in their Expo memories, I bet!

It goes without saying that I also enjoyed the concerts (who could forget the Seekers singing “The Carnival is Over” on the last night?), the high-tower diving, the monorail and the myriad street performers. I was also one of the students chosen to line the Queen’s route as she walked through Expo on opening day, April 30th. I’m not sure I actually saw the royal party—we had to face the crowd—but I did my bit. I protected Her Majesty from her masses!

If all this has you reaching for your Expo memorabilia – flicking through your passport or pulling out your season pass – you should take a trip to the “Light Fantastic” exhibition at the re-opened Museum of Brisbane in City Hall. Entry is free and 612 ABC Brisbane has an Expo ’88 Memory Booth there, where you can tell me your story for replay on 612 Breakfast. Sorry Gen-Y, I guess you had to be there!

Bmag 9th April 2013 - World records for SEQ

To slightly misquote Albert Einstein, if a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, what can be gleaned from a workspace covered in celebrity underwear? A couple of weeks ago, I found myself having to concentrate on the daily task of preparing my breakfast radio show, whilst surrounded by bras handed to me by, amongst others, Ten News weather presenter Tegan George, Olympic gold medallist Emily Seebohm, foodie Jan Power, Australian womens cricket captain Jodie Fields and ABC TV presenter Jessica Van Vonderen! The more I talked about them on air, the more bras we received. Listeners started bombarding ABC Shops with them. And the security desk at the ABC building in South Bank suddenly had to find boxes to accommodate them!

And Carryn Gorrie couldn’t be happier! You see, it’s for Carryn that I’ve started collecting women’s underwear! The Redlands mum wants to smash the world record for the most bras chained together. Girl Guides in Dargaville, New Zealand, are the current title-holders with 169,234. Carryn’s target is 200,000 by October 5th. But there’s more to this than just beating the record. For every bra donated – and no, they don’t have to be in perfect condition – Carryn asks for a one dollar donation. The money raised will go to cancer prevention and research. Then, after the bra-chain world-record attempt, usable bras will be handed on to groups such as The Uplift Project (www.upliftbras.org), so they can go to women in need. Now that I have my radio listeners donating bras, I thought it was about time I invited you, dear bmag reader, to do the same. Feel free to send them to me at the ABC (GPO Box 9994 Brisbane 4001) or drop them at your nearest ABC Shop (eg Carindale, Chermside, Indooroopilly, Garden City, Toombul, North Lakes, Myer Centre) but you’ll also find a full list of collection points on Carryn’s website www.mylifemystyle.com.au.

There’s something about world records, isn’t there? For me, as a child, the Guinness Book was an annual Christmas present and I would spend weeks pouring over all the crazy human feats that were deserving of an entry in the book. As an adult, I’ve never lost my fascination or enthusiasm for world record attempts. Another southeast Queenslander currently vying for a spot in the book is Reid Anderton. As you read this, he’s probably on his bike, hoping to become the fastest person to cycle around Australia. The record stands at 37 days. Reid thinks he can do it in 35, which means averaging 400km a day. Think how tired you are after a four hour drive! Now imagine doing that distance on a bike! Reid left from Victoria Point on March 10th and, last time I checked, was well on his way to claiming the record.

Yet another local record attempt on the horizon is for the longest game of indoor bowls. The blokes at Mt Gravatt Bowls Club need to play for more than 36 hours to beat the current mark, held by six bowlers from Southgate in the UK. At Mt Gravatt, they reckon they can play for a full 48 hours and will give it a red-hot go May 18th-20th, raising money for prostate cancer research. Best of luck fellas!

Of course we already have some notable record-holders in this part of the world. Adam Lopez, a music teacher at Sheldon College, is in the book for the highest note ever sung by a man. Steve and Suzanne Eltis hold the record for the longest distance run three-legged in 24 hours (just over 100km), set at Eatons Hill State School in 2008. And Ipswich Paul Pisasale owns the largest tea-set collection in the world – yes, officially recognised by the Guinness Book.

But it’s another Ipswich City councillor who holds what is probably my favourite world record, and one which can never be beaten. In 1969, as a seventeen year old, Paul Tully become the world potato chip-eating champion, consuming 30 packets in 24 minutes and 33.6 seconds – and without a drink! Eating records were removed from the Guinness Book in 1990 for safety reasons, meaning Paul Tully will forever be the undisputed, unbeaten and unbeatable world record holder!

Bmag March 19th 2013 - Tech-snobs, stacked glasses and jugs!

I’ve had a gutful of techno-snobbery. A couple of weeks ago, when I posted on Twitter “ Sydney Morning Herald going tabloid/compact from tomorrow. Is The Age doing the same?”, @BrettS69 replied “Do they still sell paper newspapers? Really?”

That same day I tweeted: “Two weeks ago, I rang bank to request something. They said they’d call back. I’ve now decided I should call them and no record of my initial call.” @Trimega responded: “Who calls a bank anymore?” And, I can’t begin to tell you how much e-laughter I cop whenever I admit that I still have an AOL email address.

I recently turned 41 and am starting to get an understanding of what it’s like to be ridiculed by the next generation. And I don’t like it. I do my best to keep up – heck, I know what Pheed is! But when I mentioned all this to a 60-ish fellow customer at the bakery the other day, he just nodded slowly, smiled and said: “You have a long way to go yet!”

So at the risk of sounding curmudgeonly and stuck-in-my-ways, leave me alone! Yes, I still buy the paper. Yes, I ring the bank. And while we’re at it, no I won’t use self-checkout at the supermarket, because I believe that’s taking people’s jobs away. I much prefer to buy from a shop in Brisbane than order online from overseas. I choose 2D over 3D. And I still have a street directory in the car! Look, I’m not anti-technology but I believe we should be allowed to make our own choices and move at our own speed, without the judgement of others.

And now, perhaps the most useful thing you’ll read today! We’ve all made the mistake of stacking glasses and having two stick together. My wife Nikki recently came home with a dozen tumblers, unusual in that they had lumps or bumps of glass all around the inside. They looked great but those bumps really knew how to hold onto another glass! The first night we used them, it happened! I just could not separate the two glasses!

So, I turned to Twitter and Facebook for ideas (as I said, I’m not anti-technology). Solutions on Twitter included “Run under hot water” (@LovelyWife), “Twist” (@LaurenTrim), “Tap around rim” (@RoBaumgart) and “Put them in the freezer” (@Edumak8). There was also this from @Jim_Pembroke: “Fill top glass with a good whiskey, straight, ice if you must, and drink. Repeat until the bottom glass blurs into obscurity”! And from @SEQMW: “There is nothing you can do except smash one glass. But which one? It’s like choosing favourite child!” Meanwhile, on Facebook, Neil Symes suggested “run it under cold water”, Kathryn Cruise said “bottom in hot water the way to go” and Bill McDonald wrote “small side to side shimmies, while gently pulling in opposite directions. Throw the odd twist in there. Make it look fancy!”

In the end, it was a combination of Twitter and Facebook solutions that did the trick. So write this down. From my mum on Facebook, “pour washing up liquid into the top where the two glasses are stuck” and from @RobertHoge on Twitter, “cold water in the top glass, place the bottom third of the bottom glass in hot water and give it a few minutes”. Hey presto! It worked! Once the ordeal was over, former radio host Ian Skippen turned blogger (for laughs, please check out www.ianskippen.blogspot. com.au ) told me: “Never stick a glass into a glass. You can never decide which glass is half full or half empty. One glass is always half full. Don’t thank me. Just say...glassias!”

On the subject of glasses and drinking, a local winemaker showed me a simple method he uses to improve a bottle of red. Decant into a big jug, then pour forcefully into another jug and back into the first. Repeat, getting more and more dramatic, pouring from higher and higher. Depending on who you’re drinking with, you may want to pour the wine back into the bottle before serving. It’s all about aeration, of course. Nothing new there, but as we’ve found, getting the jugs out makes for an exciting pre-dinner show for guests!

Bmag Tues 5th March 2013 - Entertainment outside Brisbane, Goodbye yesterdays

At the end of last year, I promised Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale I would see at least one show at the Ipswich Civic Centre this year. I’d been once before, to address a Rotary district conference, but never experienced a performance. I can now report that, as of last week, I’ve ticked off that particular new year resolution, having taken my son ‘Mr 12’ to see comedian and ventriloquist David Strassman. A couple of observations about the Ipswich Civic Centre experience.

Firstly, the motorway from Brisbane was virtually empty on a Saturday night. Unrecognisably so. Secondly, parking near the Civic Centre was a doddle and cost nothing. Thirdly, they allowed drinks in the auditorium – very civilised! The only criticism I’d make is that the stalls seating is flat on the ground and could do with being slightly sloped to improve the view from the back. But that’s a minor quibble.

So now I’m going to ask you the question Paul Pisasale put to me. Have you ever seen a show in Ipswich? What about Cleveland? Or Logan? As wonderful as Brisbane’s cultural venues are – QPAC, the Roundhouse, the Bille Brown Studio, the Judith Wright Centre, the Powerhouse – it really is worth keeping an eye on other (often council-run) venues across the south east. Within a stone’s throw of Brisbane are the Redland Performing Arts Centre, Logan Entertainment Centre, Redcliffe Cultural Centre and Ipswich Civic Centre. Bands, comedians and plays regularly include these theatres in their tours. In fact, David Strassman only played Ipswich and the Gold Coast this time around. There were no Brisbane dates.

And here’s a tip. If you spot a show going from venue to venue, compare ticket prices. Next month, British comedian Ross Noble is $59 at Boondall but $14 cheaper at the Logan Entertainment Centre. Guess where the Howsons will be seeing him. In May, The Book Club starring Amanda Muggleton is $40 at the QUT Gardens Theatre but only $26 at the Logan Entertainment Centre the following night!

What happened to yesterday?

There are many 50th anniversaries this year, from the Beatles debut album Please Please Me to the first episode of Doctor Who , the Great Train Robbery and the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Iron Man first appeared in Marvel comics, Coca-Cola introduced its first diet drink (anyone remember TaB?), we were introduced to touch-button phones and Martin Luther King declared “I have a dream!” And in Italy, Sophia Loren starred in an Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe-winning film Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow .

Of all those events, it’s the Sophia Loren film that has my oft-tangential mind in a spin! Have you noticed the way the media has started veering away from those three words? Not always, but increasingly. A Friday news report will say something happened “on Thursday” instead of “yesterday”. I first spotted this some years ago on CNN and BBC World News. Their presenters can be anywhere from London to Doha, Hong Kong to Washington. Their viewers are spread across the world where it might already be tomorrow, or can still be yesterday. It’s understandable, then, that they might use days of the week in place of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

But it’s creeping in here. Fairfax newspapers, including brisbanetimes.com.au, seem especially keen on the practice. Brisbane Times managing editor Simon Holt confirms my observation:

“Primarily, it’s to eliminate confusion. While most sites do carry a dateline on the story, it’s not as evident as it once was when we picked up a newspaper. The other reason is that newsrooms are preparing content for multiple platforms. If [an online story appears in] the newspaper the following day, it requires all references to be changed to ‘yesterday’. While this might not seem like extreme double handling, you can see a need to streamline the process.”

It’s not just the media. Have a look at warnings on the Bureau of Meteorology website sometime. And already I’m hearing it in conversations. Sure, words come and go, and we can’t get too hung up on our constantly evolving English language. But what would a remake of Sophia Loren’s 1963 film now be called? “Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday”? It’s not quite the same.

Bmag Feb 19th 2013 - Cucumber theory of life

It’s not unusual for people to stick affirmation statements on their bathroom mirror or fridge door, to encourage excellence in everyday living. One of the most common is: “Aim for the stars and even if you fail, you’ll land on the moon”. There are variations, such as “...wherever you land, it will be new and exciting”. I have my own saying, which I’m pretty sure you won’t have heard before. I tell myself: “A slice of cucumber on every sandwich”! Let me explain.

Some 30-odd years ago, I was watching a television show about train travel. They interviewed a bloke whose job was to put cucumber slices on pre-prepared sandwiches. Every few seconds, the conveyor-belt would deliver an open sandwich to him. He would use his tongs to add one slice of cucumber, before the sandwich went on to have the next ingredient added. This fellow, whose job might seem the most menial and repetitive, empowered himself with the knowledge that his input was absolutely critical. And you know what? He was right. If he missed just one sandwich, the person who eventually paid for it would sit down, take a big bite and be disappointed that their sandwich didn’t have any cucumber on it!

Whatever it is that you do over and over again, think of it as a slice of cucumber going on a sandwich. You can put in a poor performance once and shrug it off. Or you can consider the importance of the cucumber to that one customer who won’t see all the other sandwiches but will sure-as-heck remember theirs!

For me, this is how I approach radio. I never know when you’re going to switch on in the morning. It’s no good me having four great interviews or segments before you wake up, if the first one you hear is a dud. Every minute of that breakfast show is a sandwich and every minute gets its cucumber!

Of course, you can apply this philosophy to anything and everything. Just recently, the Howsons were on the receiving end of some spectacular cucumber work. Just to confuse you, it involves actual fruit and veg, but thankfully not cucumbers. That would be too weird. We have our greens delivered from the markets. We order online at night and it arrives the next afternoon. But the downside of ordering online is you can’t judge the quality yourself. You can’t squeeze the avocados!

Well, this week, there was a note attached to our delivery which read: “I wasn’t overly impressed with the beans so I have given you a few but I will take the cost of the beans off. Also the cage eggs I had only had six days left, so I have replaced with free range at no extra cost. Cheers, Jen.”

How good’s that? None of her other customers knows about that note but we do and I can tell you we were impressed. Jen could easily have let through those dud beans and almost-expired eggs, like a sandwich without its slice of cucumber. Maybe we can also extend the cucumber theory to the whole of our lives. Perhaps we should strive to ensure every day has its slice of cucumber.

Not that I want you to see me as some sort of spiritual motivator, but...

My last column for 2012 ( bmag, 18 December) was about me settling disagreements with listeners and readers over coffee rather than via email or social media. The feedback from you was universally positive.

Grant Vandersee was one of the first to respond: “Excellent column. Really great advice. Shame there isn’t more of this going on.”

Sylvia Jeffreys described it as “a great lesson from Spencer Howson”, whilst Jillian Whiting tweeted: “You are a gem, Spencer. Take notes kids!” Donna Weeks agrees with the benefits of working things out face-to-face: “At work I’m making an effort to speak with people rather than try to thrash it out via email.” And Stacey Rawlings says it’s “very hard to beat the personal connection on any issue”.

Throughout 2013, I’d love to include your comments in this column. For instance, what do you think of the cucumber theory? You can always email me at the address below tweet me @SpencerHowson or message me on Facebook. You never know – we might end up discussing it over coffee!

Bmag Dec 18th 2012 - Let's talk!

The greatest lesson I have learned in 2012, and one which I now hope to pass on to anyone who will listen, is the importance of talking things out. Radio station 4BC had a great line in its recent TV advertising campaign: “Talk is cheap but it can free your mind. It can start a war. Talk can end a war”. It’s so true. I want to tell you a story that goes back to a bmag column in July. The story ends a week ago, with me and a bloke called Brian having a good old laugh in the coffee shop which is situated directly underneath my radio studio at South Bank.

On 10 July, I suggested a possible compromise and way forward on the issue of same-sex marriage. I wrote: “We need two different types of marriage, to be known as a Church Marriage and a Civil Marriage. A Church Marriage would remain between a man and a woman – unless religious leaders one day decided otherwise. A Civil Marriage would include same-sex couples.” That column generated more feedback than any other I have written, but one email stood out. Among those disagreeing with me was Tony Salacich who wrote: “I’d like to meet and talk for an hour about the issue.” He went on to say: “My attempts at writing to [writers of ] other newspaper articles were either poorly received or misunderstood.” And so I agreed. It was the first time I’d ever sat down with a stranger (albeit a bmag reader who felt he knew me) to discuss a difference of opinions.

And it was great. We talked for just over an hour and I came to understand why Tony, a former high school chaplain, was so protective of the institution of marriage. I’m not going to elaborate here because it involves other people in Tony’s life, but it’s fair to say we both walked away with a greater appreciation of each others’ views.

So inspired was I by Tony’s enthusiasm for sitting down over a cup of coffee that I then invited another bmag reader, who had also disagreed with my same-sex marriage compromise, to do the same. I guess she thought I was being provocative, for she replied: “Thank you Spencer but I think I’ll give it a miss. I’m just hoping that some of what you write is just a job to you and you yourself are a moral and courageous man.”

Fast-forward to earlier this month and a Twitter user by the name of @GuruatLarge decided to let fly at me one night, saying (among other things): “You ruined my radio station with your knob (sic) ego.” Again I channelled bmag reader Tony Salacich with my response: “Come and have a coffee and we can chat about this.” Well blow me down if he didn’t say yes! So just last week, @GuruatLarge (real name Brian King) and I spent a good 45 minutes thrashing out our differences! Except, it wasn’t really like that.

We probably spent 10 minutes discussing Brian’s concerns – worthwhile reminders for me about what listeners want and need from a radio station – and then we just connected as blokes and shot the breeze. Turns out Brian’s a musician whose band has been trialling an unusual new recording technique – he’s going to send me one of his songs to play on 612 ABC Breakfast – and we both have a fascination with a phone app that lets you identify aircraft. We finished with Brian taking a “selfy” photo of the two of us, which he later tweeted with the message: “Had a great time talking radio with @SpencerHowson this morning. Great bloke to talk to.”

 What Tony and Brian both taught me is that we should take the time to talk – and, more importantly, listen. How many times have you complained about something and felt your concerns weren’t even heard? So if, like me, you’re in a position that involves customer contact and the odd complaint, see if you can’t take a moment to understand where they’re coming from. Often that’s all any of us want – to be heard. And so we come to the end of my second year writing for bmag. Thank you for reading and engaging. It’s a real thrill for me to have this exchange of ideas every fortnight. Keep the emails coming. May I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah.