Bmag Oct 8th 2013 - Working with the missus

Have you ever worked in the same company as your significant other? Think about it. Could you work alongside your husband/wife/other half? My wife Nikki and I met at a community radio station in Brisbane in 1992. I was one of two paid staff and Nikki was a volunteer. In my diary that first day I wrote: “With me tonight were two trainees including Nikki, est. 17/18, blonde, short, shy and VERY CUTE!” And you know what? I can still see that straw hat she was wearing!

Several months later, I summoned the nerve to ask her out. I remember the phone call: “Would you do me the honour of accompanying me to the opening night of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat? How dorky. You’d have thought I was asking her to marry me! Anyway, she said yes – eventually I confessed that the tickets were freebies – and we’ve been together ever since.

Back then we were young and it sure was fun having your girlfriend with you at work. The stories I could tell. And yes, whatever you’re imagining right now, it probably did happen at that radio station when everyone else had gone home!

Fast-forward to 2013 and Nikki has just started working at 612 ABC Brisbane, producing Tim Cox 3 to 6pm weekdays. Now, I don’t want you to think I’m at all anxious about the distraction of my beautiful wife as I glance up from my computer screen, but there must be pros and cons. For example, do colleagues expect you to share the same view on company decisions, rather than seeing you as two different people? And then, if you don’t agree in the workplace, how does that play out at home? I’d love you to email me with what you know, what you’ve seen and what you’ve learned.

A former radio producer of mine, Majella Marsden, says it’s a minefield for co-workers. “What about where one partner has knowledge of events that may impact on the other?” Social commentator Brett Debritz says it can make colleagues feel uncomfortable, especially if one of the couple is in a more senior position. Just ask ambo Bob Hartley: “We had some issues as my wife was in a subordinate position to me for a while. We had to use the drive home as a defuse/debrief”.

I.F. and R.B. ran a company together for two years. I.F. says they would never do it again: “Too much arguing over business decisions which led to resentment at home. The best thing we ever did was sell the company. We have a better marriage for it". For Daniel John, it meant the end of the relationship: “It was the worst mistake ever. Constant bickering all the time. It was a contract cleaning job at a factory. We worked right on top of each other. We were partners before and not long after".

But there are success stories too. Real estate agent Brett Andreassen has made it work for the last three years. His tip: “Don’t take work home and don’t bring home issues to work". Kallee Buchanan and her husband Ross work for the ABC in Central Queensland. Kallee says it’s okay to take work home: “It’s great having someone who gets the passion for the job. But you need to have your own time, away from work and home".

Nataasha Torzsa and her partner work for a telco. They’ve devised three rules: “Don’t discuss personal things during work hours, act like friends at work drinks etc., and don’t discuss 'us' with other workmates”. But the most surprising story I’ve heard so far comes from admin manager Brendan Taggart: “I used to work in the same department as my partner. The only issue was travelling to work together. He was always late. He was SO slow in the mornings, it was legendary. I hate being late. So I got my own car. Problem solved!” That is one expensive solution.

Coincidently, you may have noticed the new series of Survivor (Thursdays on GEM) sees loved ones pitted against each other - uncle against niece, brother against brother, husband against wife. I can tell you Nikki and I were both relieved to see all the married couples survived the first tribal council! A good omen perhaps.

Bmag Sept 17th 2013 - Novelty songs

I can’t resist a good novelty song. Even better is a bad novelty song. The ABC’s music programmer Bill Riner diagnosed me years ago when he said I caught the bug as a young fella growing up in England, where there is a tradition of novelty songs “topping the pops”.

It is true that I was still living in the UK when, in 1980, the St Winifred’s School Choir spent eleven weeks in the charts, including two weeks at #1, with Grandma, We Love You. Look it up on YouTube – the lyrics might be simple but boy does it tug at the heart-strings. “There’s no-one quite like Grandma/And I know you will agree/That she always is a friend to you/ And she’s a friend to me.” Fortunately, two months later, I moved to Australia and was saved. Or was I? Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 20-plus years on Queensland radio, it’s that Aussies are suckers for a silly song too.

I was reminded of this recently when we did a story on 612 Breakfast about a new four-story building at the University of Queensland – a building with no toilets! Apparently this isn’t a problem, because the building next-door is well-equipped, but I wouldn’t like to be dealing with an upset stomach whilst working on the fourth floor of a loo-less office block! Anyway, I dragged out the 1997 song Don’t Go in the dunny after Dad by then-Kallangur primary school teacher Geoff Whitehead (and his students): “Don’t go in the dunny after Dad’s been in/No, don’t go in the toilet, don’t go in the loo/Don’t go in the dunny after Dad’s been in, if you know what’s good for you.”

The song made it into the top 40 in 2002 when it was covered by Jamie Dunn and Agro but I hadn’t played either version for well over a decade. One play on the radio and we were inundated with people asking whether you can still buy the song. For the record, yes, Geoff has copies of the CD and if you call him on 3264 5198, he’ll fix you up!

So what’s the latest novelty song to attract my ear? Well, it won’t be released until next year, but I have been listening to a new Chad Morganesque album by Brisbane’s own Franky Walnut. This really has the potential to go somewhere, I reckon. It includes the song As Australian As. “I’m as Australian as a sheep’s turd in the shape of Australia riding on the back of a sheep named Bruce who’s been shorn in the shape of Australia/I’m as Australian as a pie that’s been run over by a ute being driven by John Williamson while he narrates a documentary about Australia/I’m as Australian as a red-back spider and a funnel-web spider having a root inside a kangaroo scrotum purse/I’m as Australian as/I’m as Australian as.”

But then the song takes an ironic twist: “I’m as Australian as a surfie who gets really bloody hungry and then he goes and eats some sushi/I’m as Australian as sushi.” And eventually, “I’m as Australian as the moon (when viewed from Australia).” So who is this Franky Walnut? Well, he’s the creation of Keir Nuttall, Kate Miller-Heidke’s husband and collaborator, so this record has some serious musical clout. And yes, Kate sings backing vocals.

The first time I played As Australian As on 612 Breakfast, tweeter @JaneofAustralia tweeted @FrankyWalnut: “Catchy tune. Note sure re lyrics”. Franky replied: “Neither am I. Actually, I’m not sure about the tune either.” For now, the CD is only available at gigs.

Finally, thanks for all your emails and tweets about Teddy and Pun’kin, who we recently adopted from Red Hill cat rescuer Katina Balson. Katina was thrilled to be mentioned in the magazine. She wrote: “Thank you so much for the lovely write up in bmag. Fab message about the sweet scaredy cats. I get so teary when I hear how well-loved my/your babies are. They are lucky boys. Give them a big kiss for me. Love your work, Katina.” As I mentioned in my last column, Katina can be found at the Pussies Galore charity shop on Musgrave Road or you can peruse her “scaredy cats” online at www.pussiesgalore.com.au

Bmag Sept 3rd 2013 - Welcome Teddy and Pun'kin

It’s twenty years since I last owned a cat but when Teddy and Pun’kin asked if they could live with the Howsons, how could we say no?! It took me a long time to get over the death of my grey, half-Persian childhood companion Pompeii – named after the exhibition which came to Brisbane in 1981.

Pathetic, I know, but I still have Pompeii’s collar and used to smell it to feel like he was back with me. Okay, that sounds weird – but scents are a powerful trigger for memories. I once asked listeners what smells they had kept of their deceased loved ones. We were inundated with calls, with everything from pillows to jumpers being put aside, unwashed, so they could be brought out for a hug and a smell.

But back to Teddy and Pun’kin. Once I started making noises about having another cat, our word-of-mouth enquiries led us to Katina Balson. Katina runs the Pussies Galore op-shop on Musgrave Road, Red Hill, and her nearby house is full of strays, ferals, abandoned and abused cats all just looking for love. Many of them have terrible backgrounds and some have been with Katina for months, too shy to sell themselves to potential families. Katina calls them her “scaredy cats”.

When we arrived, they scattered to all corners of the house. You wouldn’t have known there were 22 kittens and cats hiding under the furniture and behind the curtains! Then, one by one, they emerged, wandering past and looking us up and down. Until the most remarkable thing happened. Two of them chose us. A well-fed (thanks to Katina) ginger feral with a beautiful white tummy hopped onto my lap and a much thinner tiger-striped kitten that had been abused in Darwin (apparently lots of rescued cats are flown down from the top end) lay down next to Nikki. And with that, we were cat owners once again. Teddy and Pun’kin had a new home.

I can’t recommend Katina highly enough. Living with the cats, she knows their personalities. Everything she told us about Teddy and Pun’kin has turned out to be spot on, from their food likes and dislikes, to the way they play, sleep and interact with each other. An abused animal might not be for everyone – as Katina explains, you can’t expect them to be all over you from the minute you get them home – but it has only taken a few weeks for Teddy and Pun’kin to come out of their shells and the five of us couldn’t be happier.

It’s election day on Saturday and while the main battle is between Kevin Rudd and Tony Abbott, the competition can be just as fierce when it comes to which polling booth has the best sausages and lamingtons! To help you decide where in your electorate to vote, the Booth Reviews website is back. Click on www.BoothRev.net now and you’ll get the idea. Once you have voted, go back to the site and leave your comments. As the day progresses, it will become more and more useful for those who have yet to vote. (Mischievous Spencer loves the fact that a sausage-review-based decision on where to vote will completely muck up Antony Green’s analysis on ABC TV on Saturday night when he talks about the way certain booths voted in 2010).

Meanwhile, 612’s Saturday Breakfast presenter Phil Smith has already crowned his Best Booth in Brisbane. Phil ran a competition over a couple of weeks and will broadcast from the winner, Seven Hills State School, on election day.

Finally, in response to my column on kids vs children, ABC radio family affairs reporter Susan Hetherington says: “Don’t you remember the Sesame Street song that says `goats have kids, like people have kids’? Case closed”. And from Brisbane author Nick Earls: “With `kid’ first used to mean `child’ in the 1590s, I think I’m ready for us to relax the `only for goats’ rule.”

Roman Masiarek goes further: “There is a much more important issue - the insidious way the Australian language is being sold out to the Americans. More and more, our biscuits are becoming cookies, our chips are becoming fries, our toilets are becoming bathrooms and our Zeds are becoming Zees”. But then Pauline Taylor asks: “For folks who persist in calling them kids, how would they like to be addressed as `goats’?”

Bmag Aug 20th 2013 - Kids v children

Years and years ago, long before my radio show ever won the ratings, ABC colleague and mentor – now Channel Nine newsreader – Andrew Lofthouse whispered in my ear that the only way to be successful was to be yourself. This came at a time when I had taken over the ABC breakfast show from Peter Dick – we’re talking 1997 or thereabouts – and it’s fair to say I was feeling the pressure to replicate the style of my predecessor. Since then, I’ve relaxed and become more confident in my ability to bring to the table what I believe makes for essential morning radio listening – new, useful, interesting, and local information with a laugh or two and some great tunes.

In 2013, there’s no doubt in my mind that what you hear on my breakfast radio show is 100 per cent me. Or is it only 98 per cent? Because, truth be told, there are two things I say differently on air and off air.

The first one exploded when I raised it on Facebook recently. You can read some of the responses below and it is this: though I will use the word if we’re chatting casually in the street, I still avoid saying ‘kids’ when I’m on the radio (except the odd, unscripted moment where it can and does slip out). The reason being, we used to get a complaint every time: "Kids are baby goats!" In recent times, I haven't heard anyone saying that (about goats) and I've noticed both the Prime Minister and Opposition Leader use the word ‘kids’. Is it time I relaxed my stance and gave myself permission to say ‘kids’ on air?

Here are some of the Facebook replies, which have left me thinking, on balance, it is probably better to continue using the more formal (and respectful) term, but what do you think? In favour of ‘kids’ is Tony Bellette: “PC nonsense has to disappear. When I was a young bloke, announcers were trained to sound British and it was great to hear the Australian sounding voices on radio when they were given permission to be themselves.”

Chris Williams agrees: “I have always used ‘kids’ as a term of endearment even in my teaching career. No one ever complained to me!” Writes Stephen Mackie: “To complain about it is ridiculous. That falls into the `sort of nonsense up with which I will not put’ category.” From Gold Coast singer Vivica: “Just be yourself and say what you want. People will not stop listening because of one word millions of people use.” And from Dan Beeston: “If you're letting the sort of person who's that pedantic about language govern your show you're pandering to the wrong audience.”

But, I don’t see this as pedantry. For me, it’s about using respectful language. Having said that, ‘kids’ is more affectionate. See how I swing from one side to the other? Ann Lacey remembers: “My grandmother would say that about kids and goats. I have worked in the child care profession for over 36 years and I just can't say kids. I always say children. If you do say it I hope it’s only rarely.” Says Andrew Mason: “Some of us have to maintain standards Spencer!”

And Sheila Wilson asks: “Why can't we call children CHILDREN? I know... because everything has to be shortened to suit our laziness. Good on you Spencer. Children are children.” Leanne McKnoulty reminds us what’s really important here: “I'm always perplexed by this conundrum. My conclusion - what matters most is our attitude toward each young person not the label.” Finally, from former Triple M breakfast host Sammy Power: “There are a lot of worse words you could say!”

I mentioned there were two things I say differently on air and off. The other one isn’t just me. It’s an old radio convention still applied by the ABC (and some other stations, I’m sure) and that is to give the time as “16 minutes to four” instead of 3.44. At home, I say 1.25 or 2.55. On air, that becomes 25-past-one or five-to-three. Send me an email. I’d love your feedback on ‘kids’ versus children and how you would like radio announcers to tell the time.

Bmag Aug 6th - Troggg

Politicians will talk up, or talk down, the economy, depending on what suits them. But they (and I) hardly need to tell you that plenty of people are doing it tough at the moment and jobs are hard to come by. Just ask Brett Hansen. The 34- year-old from The Gap has worked a myriad of occupations, from janitor and dish-washer to marketresearcher and admin assistant. But for the past eighteen months, there’s been nothing. So Brett has created a job by taking matters into this own hands – literally.

Turning to his childhood love of the Muppets, he’s designed and created a fluffy blue monster called Troggg– “the middle g is silent” – and launched himself on the Brisbane entertainment scene! Troggg is unashamedly Muppet-like with his squishy round red nose, ping-pong-ball eyes and black bushy mono-brow blending seamlessly into a bright orange mop of hair. Protruding incisors confirm monster status!

“I had him built professionally by an ex-Jim Henson Muppet builder,” Brett tells me. “I wanted one where I could operate his hand. You can’t buy those sorts of puppets so I figured I might as well go all out and have one of my own designed that I could use as the star of all my shows.”

Entertaining is clearly in Brett’s blood. When his hands are not inside puppets, he plays keyboards in a couple of bands (Headkase, Sound Distiller) and with theatre group, ImproMafia. But it’s puppetry that Brett has studied all his life. “[As a child] I would be glued to the screen whenever the Muppets were on. I would sit there with puppets on my hands and mimic the lip-synch and the movements and the way they walk.

“They were always doing all sorts of weird and wonderful things to make them seem real, right down to Jim Henson in a cage under water puppeteering Kermit when he’s singing Rainbow Connection. Filming them outdoors – no one had ever done that before until Henson.”

Brett’s become known around Brisbane for his love of puppets: “I’ve been doing a bit of consultancy, which was my official title in Avenue-Q (the musical) last year, but I’ve been working with some QUT students who are doing a web series about an angry rooster so I’ve been helping them with the movement of the puppets.” And that technique isn’t as easy as you might think. Brett explains: “Eye focus is a big thing but lipsynch is the trick. Also the head moving forward when you emphasise a word. And making sure the puppet remains alive at all times. A lot of people flop the puppet to the side if it’s not talking but just keep it up and nodding and alert and looking around.”

Troggg’s first big break came last month when he was invited to co-host The Late Nite Show on 31 Digital. I was in the 31 studio that night. It felt truly special. Like watching Kermit’s first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. I looked at Brett operating Troggg and couldn’t help but wonder where all this might lead. Brett enjoyed it too, as did Troggg: “I think he felt at home on television, under the lights with his crazy blue fur.”

Of course there’s not much call for puppets on Brisbane television, so Brett is casting a wide net: “I’ve been doing a few kids’ puppet shows, Troggg’s even got an MC gig at a film festival!” He is available for MC gigs at corporate functions, wedding receptions, trivia nights and comedy nights. Given the enormous success of the adultconcept/ themed Avenue Q, perhaps it’s the Muppets’ core fans – the children of the seventies and eighties – that Brett needs to target.

After all, look at the way Peter Combe has reinvented himself. These days, Combe still performs his 1980s toddler hits Toffee Apple and Newspaper Mama, but at nightclubs! The audience is the same, just 25 years older. Brett says he’s open to the idea: “I really enjoyed Avenue-Q. I guess people were reminded of the Muppets and they could relate to the [more adult] subject matter as well. So I can see an adult puppet series happening, either a theatre production that I do with Troggg or a TV series or a film would be nice.” Best of luck to you, Brett, I’m expecting big things from you and Troggg!

Bmag July 23rd 2013 - Free newspapers and music

Did you notice what you paid for The Sunday Mail this weekend? It’s just gone from $2 to $2.50! This 25% hike comes just weeks after the introduction of a paywall on the paper’s website. In this column, I will show you how to get newspapers - and music - for free. I’m also going to increase your chances of winning a prize at your next school, club or church fundraiser! After that introduction, just try skipping to the next page! You know you can’t!

The Courier-Mail and The Sunday Mail have introduced what News Corp Australia (the former News Limited) calls a ‘metered digital subscription’. You get a limited number of articles for free, more if you register, but after that you must pay. Even News Corp Australia’s Quest suburban newspapers – free when delivered to your door – are part of this ‘metered’ paywall when viewed online. Around the country, it’s a similar story. And not just the Murdoch press. Fairfax’s Sydney Morning Herald and The Age have just introduced paywalls.

There’s a very good reason for newspapers going down this path – with fewer people paying for the physical newspaper, and with revenue from the classifieds shifting to various websites (real estate, cars, second-hand goods, etc.), there is less money for journalists and the quality of news is under threat. Indeed, Jonathan Holmes used his final words on Media Watch to suggest: “Whatever your politics, or your preferences, start subscribing to at least one media website. Pay just a little to keep real journalism alive.”

But there is an alternative for those who are steadfastly against paying for news. All you need is a Brisbane City Council library card and you can have unlimited free access to over 2,000 newspapers and magazines from around the world. Visit www.library.pressdisplay.com, enter your card number and you’re away. (Any resident of Queensland can join a Brisbane City Council library – you don’t have to live in Brisbane). You won’t get updates throughout the day, as you would with online access, but for someone who just wants to read the paper over breakfast, it’s all you need.

Once you’re a member of a Brisbane City Council library, there’s another online perk. Every week, you can download three free songs. Have that library card ready and click on www. freegalmusic.com/users. Four library cards in your house? That’s twelve free songs every week.

But wait, there’s more and this next tip comes from a politician! You’re about to gain a huge advantage next time you play Heads-and-Tails at a fundraising event! Heads-and-Tails involves someone tossing two coins and participants guessing which way the coins will fall. Everyone stands up to 'bet'. Hands on your head for heads, hands on your backside for tails and one hand on each (head and bum) means you’re guessing one head and one tail. Anyone who is incorrect is eliminated, then the coins are tossed again, until there’s a winner.

At this year’s Graceville State School trivia night, we were on a table with local state MP Scott Emerson. Scott’s obviously been studying these games at the myriad events he attends so just before Heads-and- Tails, he whispered to my missus the secret that would double her chances with every toss. He explained there are four possible combinations: Head-Head, Tail-Tail, Head-Tail and Tail-Head. If you go for heads or tails, there’s only a one-in-four chance you’ll be right. But if you put one hand on your head and one on your bum, you’ll have a two in four chance (you’re covering both Head-Tail and Tail-Head)! And that’s it.

Nikki did as Scott suggested and won the prize – which happened to be a very flash bottle of wine donated by the local federal MP Graham Perrett. Now who would have thought two politicians in a room could be so useful? Bottoms-up!

Finally, Cheryl Stevenson’s email sums up reaction to my column on John Murdoch and his Happy Bus: “What a wonderful man! The world needs more positive people like John”.

POST-SCRIPT by Doug Corner, Mount Ommaney

Hi Spencer, I have now found it via the following string:

1. Type elibcat.library.brisbane.qld.gov.au into your browser and hit ‘enter’. This should get you onto the eLibCat Library Catalogue page.
2. Click on ‘databases’ at the top of the eLibCat page. (Ignore the ‘log in to My eLibCat Account’ on the right hand side of the page).
3. O n the ‘databases’ page - click on ‘newspapers and journals’.
4. Under the ‘library press display’ heading, about halfway down the newspapers and journals page, click on ‘remote access. This should bring you to the library press display login page where you can type in your library bar code, using all the digits on the rear of your library card. Hit the ‘login’ tab and voila - enjoy! I’ll give the free songs a try when I next have a couple of hours to spare J Spencer, by the way, we love your bmag column!

Doug Corder, Mount Ommaney

July 9th 2013 - Brisbane's Happy Bus!

As you probably know, whenever the President of the United States of America is aboard a US Air Force plane, the official call sign for that plane is Air Force One. Well, whenever John Murdoch is behind the wheel of a Brisbane City Council bus, it becomes the Happy Bus! There’s no special signage. No rainbow colourscheme. Just a regular-looking driver and a busfull of smiles!

On this particular day, the Happy Bus is the 444 from QPAC to Moggill. I’m sitting just a couple of rows from the front. It’s the perfect place to observe as people hop on. We pull into King George Square, the doors open, and it’s show-time: “Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon! The Happy Bus welcomes you on board, how are you?”

It’s impossible to resist a smile. “Bring on those happy faces! This is the Happy Bus to Moggill!”

Half a dozen passengers join us at Toowong and there’s a greeting for every one of them: “On a beautiful day like today, how could you not be happy? Good afternoon, keep the happy smile on. That’s one terrific happy smile you have there!”

At Taringa, a woman hops off at the back and John calls out: “You look after yourself, till the next time you’re on the Happy Bus, enjoy the rest of your afternoon and keep that beautiful smile please, ba-bye!”

Seconds later, he opens the front door and three more join the club: “Welcome to the Happy Bus! There’s a happy smile, keep that with you please!”

I leave at Indooroopilly, completely touched by the experience. I catch a lot of buses and I always say g’day to the driver as I hop on. But John Murdoch really does take customer service to the next level.

Next day, I catch up with him at the Toowong bus depot. He tells me: “Being a talkative person, I was already welcoming people on the bus. More and more I told people to come on-board with a happy smile and they seemed to appreciate it. It just grew from there.

"I care about my passengers and this is a way for me to make their trip more enjoyable. When I finish my work and get back to the depot the feeling is ‘Hooley Dooley, what a day!’, but I enjoy being more involved with the passengers,” he says.

John tells me I’m not the first person to suggest special livery for the Happy Bus: “People have asked, ‘Can we have anything on the front of the bus so we know it’s the Happy Bus?’ The best I can suggest is we have a Mr Happy fridge magnet but every bus I drive is the Happy Bus, two different buses a day.”

After chatting for a while, John Murdoch opens up on why he’s so positive. He tells me he was involved in a head-on car crash on the Warrego Highway: “My heart stopped three times on the way to hospital. I wasn’t meant to survive. They wanted to turn the life support machine off. I woke up three weeks later with a new lease on life.

“When you have a near-death experience, you do see life differently. You only have one life. You might as well live it. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy or grumpy, you’ve only got the one.”

John proudly tells me that in his five years driving buses, he has received no fewer than 114 commendations from passengers. (Every time you ring Translink to report a positive bus experience, your comments are printed on a certificate which is then presented to the driver). “If I receive one, I receive one. If I don’t, I don’t. I just like going out there and having a happy and enjoyable trip and a safe one for everyone," John says.

By this stage, I’m soaking up the positivity. So I ask John for some final words of wisdom. “When you wake up in the morning, choose your attitude. It reflects what sort of day you’re going to have. Even if you do have some hiccoughs, they may happen, but if you say you’re going to have a good day and approach it as a good day, at the end of the day you will say ‘I had a good day’.”