How do you prevent niggling little frustrations from getting under your skin? What’s your strategy?
A former ABC boss, Chris Wordsworth, once offered these words of wisdom: “Let the cr*p wash over you”. In other words, save your energy for the important things in life. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Unfortunately, on our recent family holiday in Europe and the USA, several incidents caused me to waste energy being frustrated.
What most of these examples have in common is they occurred because we weren’t in familiar surroundings.
As I run through them, think about visitors spending time in our city and the little things we do that they might not instantly understand.
In New York, I learned that you can’t take a bottle of water into the Museum of Modern Art. I offered to drink the water so I could later reuse the empty bottle. No, insisted the security guard. Even empty bottles were banned!
I’ve since learned that a controversial art work was damaged by a protestor throwing chemicals from a water bottle.
Later that day, leaving a coffee shop, I handed my empty paper cup to the cashier and asked if he would put it in the large bin behind him. “No”, was the curt reply. “The trash is over there”. As I walked off, he laughed with the next customer: “Obviously not from the U.S.”
A New Yorker friend of mine later explained that my mistake had been to expect “courtesy and common sense”.
For Independence Day, the 4th of July, I took the family on a Hudson River fireworks cruise. When we boarded the boat the first thing we saw were dozens of plastic fold-up chairs stacked on both sides of the deck.
As we started to unfold and set out the chairs, security staff – dressed in those clichéd black tee-shirts with the word SECURITY in bold white capital letters – informed us they were not to be used and we had to stand up for three hours.
After a near riot, with one woman almost physically dragged off a chair by a security officer, they backed down. It probably helped that several other passengers had started filming. For the life of me, I still can’t work out why the heavy-handedness. There was no shortage of chairs or space.
Still in New York, when I left $100 of my wife’s shopping in the back of a cab, we were told minutes later by our hotel concierge there was no point even ringing the cab company. “This is New York,” he said. “The next passenger will have just picked up the bag”.
Perhaps I’m looking at this through maroon-coloured glasses, but I’m pretty sure that if that had happened in Brisbane, I could have tracked down the cab and its back-seat contents in no time.
It wasn’t just New York that tested our patience. After missing a connecting flight in Frankfurt, our airline gave us a hotel room for the night. Unfortunately, the taxi took us a similar sounding hotel in another city!
When we eventually arrived at our lodgings, armed with $90 from the airline for dinner, the hotel wouldn’t let us spend the credit on its a la carte menu.
To order from the menu, we would have to use our own money. So, the smorgasbord it was. I can tell you there is no way we ate $90 worth of cold meat, soup and salad that night!
Okay okay, I know I’m starting to sound like Eric Idle complaining about the tea in Monty Python’s Travel Agent sketch: “They don’t make it properly do they? Not like at home!”
My point is this: When tourists spend time in Brisbane, what are the little things we do – probably unthinkingly – that cause unnecessary frustration? Let me know if you have examples and suggested improvements.
Let’s face it, no matter how fantastic a time you have on holidays, you always remember – and tell other people about – the things that go wrong. That’s just human nature.
Whether it’s spontaneously offering to take a group photo, asking if someone needs directions, or just saying “G’day” in a shopping centre elevator, we can all play a part in making sure tourists love our city as much as well do.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Panic present buying
It’s confession time. I bought a panic present.
I was sitting at JFK airport in New York, about to fly home to Brisbane after four weeks in the UK, France and the USA, when I started to remember people for whom I hadn’t bought anything.
One last look at the airport souvenir stand and $85 later, I had a bag full of random goodies!
I was chuffed with the I-heart-New York pewter cow key-ring for 612 listener and farmer “Lord” Julian of Boonah.
But I really don’t know how my radio producer Anne Debert will react to her present, which I shall reveal to you shortly and give to her tomorrow.
The business of gifts from overseas holidays is tricky. Do you buy for someone only if and when you see something perfectly suited to them? Or do you make a list beforehand and make sure everyone on the list gets something?
The range of place-branded items is astounding. Oddly, I didn’t see spoons or thimbles anywhere but there were coffee cups of all shapes and sizes, fridge magnets, cushions, baseballs, beach-bags, photo frames, coasters, pens, shot-glasses and all manner of clothing.
Snow domes remain a constant – just ask Liam Renton from Brisbane’s community radio station 96-Five who has one of Australia’s biggest collections.
There are desk models of iconic buildings such as the White House, Buckingham Palace and the Eiffel Tower.
You can even take home a miniature set of a city’s public transport or emergency vehicles.
To get an idea, pop into one of Brisbane’s souvenir shops next time you’re in the city or at the airport. They have much more than just clip-on koalas these days. You can probably even buy a mini City-Cycle play set by now. If not, someone can have that idea for free.
One thing you can get at Brisbane souvenir shops is kangaroo jerky.
Before we went overseas, I asked my 612 Breakfast listeners for gifts ideas from Brisbane. Someone suggested roo jerky so I bought some and we taste-tested it live on air.
I have to say that it might be a fun novelty gift, to be consumed with alcohol and washed down with lots of laughter, but roo jerky is not the sort of thing anyone should have to eat on the radio at 5.20am! The smell alone!
Still, I gave a packet to BBC Radio 2 Breakfast presenter Chris Evans after I’d spent some time with him in London. Sensibly, Chris said he would take it home and try it later. I haven’t heard how – or indeed if – it went down!
I suppose for the most part, souvenirs are bought for oneself as a reminder of places visited.
On this recent trip, I bought five tee-shirts including one from London’s “Dr Who Experience” and another from the Calvisson Barrel Organ Festival, as well as New York and Washington fridge magnets, a New York photo frame and theatre programmes from “Spiderman—Turn Off the Dark” and “Much Ado About Nothing” starring former Dr Who stars David Tennant and Catherine Tate. (I did tell you I was a Dr Who fan, didn’t I?!)
We’ll see how many of these survive the next spring clean.
On previous trips around Queensland, I’ve proudly returned with a small pottery sheep (from Cunnamulla), a scrap metal dog (Blackall) and a 750ml beer “tally” somehow stretched to about a metre (Central Highlands).
We still have the sheep and dog but the beer bottle – which I always regarded as artistic genius – has gone to a better place!
Which brings me to the panic present I bought at JFK for my radio producer Anne Debert.
No, let me withdraw that word. I didn’t panic. It made complete sense at the time! It’s only in the hours since that I’ve started to panic – about how she’ll react to such a random workmate gift!
You see, Anne’s husband Len is from St Louis, Missouri. And at JFK airport, sitting in the middle of all the fluffy toys marked “New York” was one bearing the name “Missouri”.
I rifled through the toys. There was no other “Missouri”. This was clearly a mistake and just as clearly, in my mind at least, it was meant to be bought for Anne.
So next time you call in to the breakfast show, ask Anne how she likes her very cute, bright green and purple, floppy-earned puppy-dog!
What’s the best and worst souvenir you’ve ever bought yourself or someone else? It’s confession time!
I was sitting at JFK airport in New York, about to fly home to Brisbane after four weeks in the UK, France and the USA, when I started to remember people for whom I hadn’t bought anything.
One last look at the airport souvenir stand and $85 later, I had a bag full of random goodies!
I was chuffed with the I-heart-New York pewter cow key-ring for 612 listener and farmer “Lord” Julian of Boonah.
But I really don’t know how my radio producer Anne Debert will react to her present, which I shall reveal to you shortly and give to her tomorrow.
The business of gifts from overseas holidays is tricky. Do you buy for someone only if and when you see something perfectly suited to them? Or do you make a list beforehand and make sure everyone on the list gets something?
The range of place-branded items is astounding. Oddly, I didn’t see spoons or thimbles anywhere but there were coffee cups of all shapes and sizes, fridge magnets, cushions, baseballs, beach-bags, photo frames, coasters, pens, shot-glasses and all manner of clothing.
Snow domes remain a constant – just ask Liam Renton from Brisbane’s community radio station 96-Five who has one of Australia’s biggest collections.
There are desk models of iconic buildings such as the White House, Buckingham Palace and the Eiffel Tower.
You can even take home a miniature set of a city’s public transport or emergency vehicles.
To get an idea, pop into one of Brisbane’s souvenir shops next time you’re in the city or at the airport. They have much more than just clip-on koalas these days. You can probably even buy a mini City-Cycle play set by now. If not, someone can have that idea for free.
One thing you can get at Brisbane souvenir shops is kangaroo jerky.
Before we went overseas, I asked my 612 Breakfast listeners for gifts ideas from Brisbane. Someone suggested roo jerky so I bought some and we taste-tested it live on air.
I have to say that it might be a fun novelty gift, to be consumed with alcohol and washed down with lots of laughter, but roo jerky is not the sort of thing anyone should have to eat on the radio at 5.20am! The smell alone!
Still, I gave a packet to BBC Radio 2 Breakfast presenter Chris Evans after I’d spent some time with him in London. Sensibly, Chris said he would take it home and try it later. I haven’t heard how – or indeed if – it went down!
I suppose for the most part, souvenirs are bought for oneself as a reminder of places visited.
On this recent trip, I bought five tee-shirts including one from London’s “Dr Who Experience” and another from the Calvisson Barrel Organ Festival, as well as New York and Washington fridge magnets, a New York photo frame and theatre programmes from “Spiderman—Turn Off the Dark” and “Much Ado About Nothing” starring former Dr Who stars David Tennant and Catherine Tate. (I did tell you I was a Dr Who fan, didn’t I?!)
We’ll see how many of these survive the next spring clean.
On previous trips around Queensland, I’ve proudly returned with a small pottery sheep (from Cunnamulla), a scrap metal dog (Blackall) and a 750ml beer “tally” somehow stretched to about a metre (Central Highlands).
We still have the sheep and dog but the beer bottle – which I always regarded as artistic genius – has gone to a better place!
Which brings me to the panic present I bought at JFK for my radio producer Anne Debert.
No, let me withdraw that word. I didn’t panic. It made complete sense at the time! It’s only in the hours since that I’ve started to panic – about how she’ll react to such a random workmate gift!
You see, Anne’s husband Len is from St Louis, Missouri. And at JFK airport, sitting in the middle of all the fluffy toys marked “New York” was one bearing the name “Missouri”.
I rifled through the toys. There was no other “Missouri”. This was clearly a mistake and just as clearly, in my mind at least, it was meant to be bought for Anne.
So next time you call in to the breakfast show, ask Anne how she likes her very cute, bright green and purple, floppy-earned puppy-dog!
What’s the best and worst souvenir you’ve ever bought yourself or someone else? It’s confession time!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Bmag July 5th 2011 - South of France
I’ve often wondered what it’s like to be a wine and olive-fed writer based in some exotic location like Morocco or Italy or France. So, I’ve come to the small French village of Calvisson, population 3000, just to the south-west of Nimes and 20 minutes drive north of the Mediterranean Sea, to find out.
In truth, the Howsons are here to stay with my mum and step-dad, who have recently retired and moved from Brisbane. The village they have chosen is hundreds of years old and well off the beaten track. There’s not much English spoken but Mum and John studied French for five years before they came and the locals can tell. Try some French on them and you will be rewarded with a little English and somehow you manage to connect.
It’s 11am and I’m sitting in a secondfloor bedroom window with a notepad and coffee. The stone walls of this fourteenth century terraced house are so thick I have plenty of space in the window to plonk myself down and write. It’s 32 degrees. The sky is blue and without cloud. The sun is hot but a breeze flows up the street and it’s very relaxing just watching people walk past. Look, it’s the postcard image of a man carrying two baguettes! The streets in Calvisson are so narrow I could almost hold hands with someone across the road. There’s a musty stone informed smell everywhere but somehow that adds to the romance.
By 1pm I’m sitting outside the bar in the main square. With shops closed from midday until 3pm, this is where locals are drawn. A round of five drinks costs me just $10. I choose a shiraz from the local winery. Light, but perfectly refreshing on this warm summer’s day. The bar is such a focal point that whenever you go past you look to see who’s there. I might not have met them but I already recognise the regulars! You instantly take a liking to the barman, Roget, who’s dressed in white and has the sort of well-worn face you just want to photograph. His eyes smile and both his nose and bushy moustache are pronounced. Almost cartoon-like. I suspect Roget likes a drink himself.
Now it’s 3pm and I’m on the beach at nearby Aigues-Mortes. It won’t be dark until 10pm, quite the novelty for someone from Brisbane! I’m on a sunlounger, under an umbrella, with a waiter offering me a drink. This time, I opt for a juice d’orange.
At 5pm I’m in a café in Nimes just metres from a 2000-year-old Roman amphitheatre. Christians and lions once “met” inside these walls. The history is breathtaking. I down a pint of lager. On the way back to Calvisson, I pick up a couple of baguettes (or as we would say, “French sticks”). These are consumed with a dozen cheeses, sensational rosemary-dipped olives and a bottle of wine – this time a merlot – again from the local winery.
It’s 8.30pm and we’re at a street party thrown by the “high quarter” of the village. It was still light as we walked the 300 metres to a covered market square where 100 or so locals are eating and drinking at three long rows of trestle tables. The Howsons don’t speak any French but, in no time, Nikki and I are in a Conga line. And leading the celebrations, dancing next to the DJ on a stage too small for the two of them, is the barman Roget! He is the life of this party and of the village!
It’s 11pm and this time I’m writing at the dining table in mum’s kitchen. Again, glass of wine in hand while Nikki contemplates a gin and tonic to finish off the night. At this time of year, there’s something happening every day in Calvisson. Last night, it was a bonfire – with tapas and wine – to celebrate St John. Tomorrow, we’re invited to a luncheon and a dinner. That’s after we’ve been to the fresh produce market in the morning. Frankly, I don’t know how all these writers find the time to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard). There are too many olives to eat. And is that another cork being opened? Sorry, must go…
In truth, the Howsons are here to stay with my mum and step-dad, who have recently retired and moved from Brisbane. The village they have chosen is hundreds of years old and well off the beaten track. There’s not much English spoken but Mum and John studied French for five years before they came and the locals can tell. Try some French on them and you will be rewarded with a little English and somehow you manage to connect.
It’s 11am and I’m sitting in a secondfloor bedroom window with a notepad and coffee. The stone walls of this fourteenth century terraced house are so thick I have plenty of space in the window to plonk myself down and write. It’s 32 degrees. The sky is blue and without cloud. The sun is hot but a breeze flows up the street and it’s very relaxing just watching people walk past. Look, it’s the postcard image of a man carrying two baguettes! The streets in Calvisson are so narrow I could almost hold hands with someone across the road. There’s a musty stone informed smell everywhere but somehow that adds to the romance.
By 1pm I’m sitting outside the bar in the main square. With shops closed from midday until 3pm, this is where locals are drawn. A round of five drinks costs me just $10. I choose a shiraz from the local winery. Light, but perfectly refreshing on this warm summer’s day. The bar is such a focal point that whenever you go past you look to see who’s there. I might not have met them but I already recognise the regulars! You instantly take a liking to the barman, Roget, who’s dressed in white and has the sort of well-worn face you just want to photograph. His eyes smile and both his nose and bushy moustache are pronounced. Almost cartoon-like. I suspect Roget likes a drink himself.
Now it’s 3pm and I’m on the beach at nearby Aigues-Mortes. It won’t be dark until 10pm, quite the novelty for someone from Brisbane! I’m on a sunlounger, under an umbrella, with a waiter offering me a drink. This time, I opt for a juice d’orange.
At 5pm I’m in a café in Nimes just metres from a 2000-year-old Roman amphitheatre. Christians and lions once “met” inside these walls. The history is breathtaking. I down a pint of lager. On the way back to Calvisson, I pick up a couple of baguettes (or as we would say, “French sticks”). These are consumed with a dozen cheeses, sensational rosemary-dipped olives and a bottle of wine – this time a merlot – again from the local winery.
It’s 8.30pm and we’re at a street party thrown by the “high quarter” of the village. It was still light as we walked the 300 metres to a covered market square where 100 or so locals are eating and drinking at three long rows of trestle tables. The Howsons don’t speak any French but, in no time, Nikki and I are in a Conga line. And leading the celebrations, dancing next to the DJ on a stage too small for the two of them, is the barman Roget! He is the life of this party and of the village!
It’s 11pm and this time I’m writing at the dining table in mum’s kitchen. Again, glass of wine in hand while Nikki contemplates a gin and tonic to finish off the night. At this time of year, there’s something happening every day in Calvisson. Last night, it was a bonfire – with tapas and wine – to celebrate St John. Tomorrow, we’re invited to a luncheon and a dinner. That’s after we’ve been to the fresh produce market in the morning. Frankly, I don’t know how all these writers find the time to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard). There are too many olives to eat. And is that another cork being opened? Sorry, must go…
Monday, June 20, 2011
Bmag June 21st 2011 - Trivia night terror
When my son Jack started school six years ago, I may have told the principal I was willing to do anything with a microphone as long as I never had to turn sausages! I say “may” at the instruction of my lawyers who are currently working on getting me out of hosting trivia nights for the rest of my life!
But it’s not just the school that invites me to host trivia nights – and truth be told, I generally always say yes!
You see, I have a head for useless information and I love asking quiz questions but for reasons I shall explain, running trivia nights is the most terrifying duty I am ever asked to perform! If you’ve ever been to one, you’ll have an idea where I’m going with this. But there are some behind-the-scenes goings on I am ready to reveal!
The obvious challenges for a trivia night host are: firstly, the people at the back who can’t hear, partly because of the ageing PA system, but mostly because of the people in front of them yapping all night; secondly, the people who are yapping all night but still ask you to repeat all the questions!
Then there are those who delight in pointing out others who are using their mobiles to phone-a-friend or search the internet and ask “What are you going to do about it?!”
Finally, there’s the table of professionals who go from trivia night to trivia night with specialists in different subject areas. They take their own booze informed (not adding further to the fundraising effort), drink too much of that booze and spend all night querying the answers. They also tend to win, much to the chagrin of the organising committee.
But sometimes it’s the organisers themselves who bring on the MC terror. Specifically, the person who’s been volunteered – probably against their will – to come up with the questions. At one bowls club trivia night the questions were written by a rail employee. The one which almost caused a riot was: in the Santa Claus Steam Train Special departing Roma Street on December 13, how many passengers are allowed in the dining car in each sitting?!!
Another time I wasn’t allowed to pay World War One as the answer because the question-writer insisted it wasn’t called World War ONE until there had been a World War TWO!
And once, the person in charge of marking made a simple mathematical mistake and the wrong team was awarded all the prizes. I hadn’t noticed either but at the very end of the night, whilst the chairs were being stacked, one of the actual winners whispered in my ear. (He’s now an MP, so maybe this story will one day surface in his autobiography!)
So what have I learned from hosting all these trivia nights? For one thing, always provide your own questions!
At least if you’ve done the research, you’re in a position to argue the toss. Unfortunately this still isn’t fail-safe. Thanks to the urban-myth-busting www.snopes.com deliberately planting mistruths on its own website – apparently to teach people never to rely on one source! – I erroneously marked people down for saying the talking horse Mr Ed wasn’t played by a zebra! (And would you believe, the same aforementioned now- MP was there again! And yes, it is possible his team would have won the night if not for that one mistake by yours truly!)
But the main thing I’ve learned is that when Jack starts high school in 2013, I won’t tell anyone that I work in radio! Instead, I’ll turn up to the first P&C meeting with my barbecue apron on and tongs in hand!
Entertainment overload
In the last issue of bmag, I lamented the difficulty of keeping up with all the movies, television, books and music that are created every year.
Jen Hansen emailed: “There is never enough time to watch and listen to everything but if you keep an open mind, occasionally you stumble across some timeless pop culture gems.”
Bruce Redman tweeted me: “It’s awkward when a person marries younger
and they don’t have the same pop culture history.”
And Andrew Murrell said it saddened him to think of all the television he would never see – shows that will be made after we are all long gone. Time machine anyone?
But it’s not just the school that invites me to host trivia nights – and truth be told, I generally always say yes!
You see, I have a head for useless information and I love asking quiz questions but for reasons I shall explain, running trivia nights is the most terrifying duty I am ever asked to perform! If you’ve ever been to one, you’ll have an idea where I’m going with this. But there are some behind-the-scenes goings on I am ready to reveal!
The obvious challenges for a trivia night host are: firstly, the people at the back who can’t hear, partly because of the ageing PA system, but mostly because of the people in front of them yapping all night; secondly, the people who are yapping all night but still ask you to repeat all the questions!
Then there are those who delight in pointing out others who are using their mobiles to phone-a-friend or search the internet and ask “What are you going to do about it?!”
Finally, there’s the table of professionals who go from trivia night to trivia night with specialists in different subject areas. They take their own booze informed (not adding further to the fundraising effort), drink too much of that booze and spend all night querying the answers. They also tend to win, much to the chagrin of the organising committee.
But sometimes it’s the organisers themselves who bring on the MC terror. Specifically, the person who’s been volunteered – probably against their will – to come up with the questions. At one bowls club trivia night the questions were written by a rail employee. The one which almost caused a riot was: in the Santa Claus Steam Train Special departing Roma Street on December 13, how many passengers are allowed in the dining car in each sitting?!!
Another time I wasn’t allowed to pay World War One as the answer because the question-writer insisted it wasn’t called World War ONE until there had been a World War TWO!
And once, the person in charge of marking made a simple mathematical mistake and the wrong team was awarded all the prizes. I hadn’t noticed either but at the very end of the night, whilst the chairs were being stacked, one of the actual winners whispered in my ear. (He’s now an MP, so maybe this story will one day surface in his autobiography!)
So what have I learned from hosting all these trivia nights? For one thing, always provide your own questions!
At least if you’ve done the research, you’re in a position to argue the toss. Unfortunately this still isn’t fail-safe. Thanks to the urban-myth-busting www.snopes.com deliberately planting mistruths on its own website – apparently to teach people never to rely on one source! – I erroneously marked people down for saying the talking horse Mr Ed wasn’t played by a zebra! (And would you believe, the same aforementioned now- MP was there again! And yes, it is possible his team would have won the night if not for that one mistake by yours truly!)
But the main thing I’ve learned is that when Jack starts high school in 2013, I won’t tell anyone that I work in radio! Instead, I’ll turn up to the first P&C meeting with my barbecue apron on and tongs in hand!
Entertainment overload
In the last issue of bmag, I lamented the difficulty of keeping up with all the movies, television, books and music that are created every year.
Jen Hansen emailed: “There is never enough time to watch and listen to everything but if you keep an open mind, occasionally you stumble across some timeless pop culture gems.”
Bruce Redman tweeted me: “It’s awkward when a person marries younger
and they don’t have the same pop culture history.”
And Andrew Murrell said it saddened him to think of all the television he would never see – shows that will be made after we are all long gone. Time machine anyone?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bmag June 7th 2011 - Keeping with TV, movies, music and books
Think how many movies are made each year. Add all the television hours that are produced. How are we meant to keep up?
We’ve had television in Australia since 1956 (1959 in Brisbane) and we’ve been making feature films since 1906 (The Story of the Kelly Gang was the first) and that’s just in Australia. Globally, the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) lists more than 55,000 television series (more than 991,000 episodes) and 257,000+ movies. And those numbers are growing daily.
My son Jack was born 28 years after me. That means, to hold his own in a conversation about popular culture, he has to absorb 28 more years of television shows and movies. Not to mention 28 more years of books. And then there’s music.
As a radio presenter, music is close to my heart. Sometimes when I give talks at service clubs and the like, I’m asked if I can play “better music” on air. What this generally means is “the music of my formative years”. The trouble is that we’ve had pop music – songs that still sound great in 2011 – since the 1950s. Certainly since the 1960s. Since I started on radio in 1990, there are 21 more years’ worth of popular music from which to choose. And still only 24 hours in each day!
Perhaps you think you have a firm handle on the popular culture of the past 50 years. But what about your children? And your children’s children? And your informed children’s children’s children?! The only way future generations will be able to keep up is for someone to invent a way of downloading movies and television series directly into the brain within seconds!
One thing you can do to help the next generation is to consciously expose your children to your favourite music, movies and television shows. So far at my place, I’ve scored wins with The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Goodies, Dr Who, Monty Python and The Muppet Show. I’ve had less success getting Jack hooked on 2001-A Space Odyssey. But there’s still time. He’s only 11. And I know I’ll be able to get him hooked on Man About the House!
When I asked my listeners if they’d done this, the phone lines went into melt-down. It seems many of us harbour the desire to preserve and pass on the popular culture that means something to us.
But it’s an uphill battle. Cast your mind forward and imagine what things will be like in 500 or 1000 years. Which movies will everyone still know and watch in 2511? As the years pass, the cut-off grade for a movie to survive the next generation and the next will get tougher and tougher. Sorry to say it, but perhaps none of the movies made until now will still be watched in 500 years.
Back to television in 2011 and one of the side-effects of these myriad shows on however many channels there are is an end to the mass watching of TV shows. There are exceptions – phenomena like MasterChef and our lingering attachment to the evening news, for example – but on the whole we’re heading away from the traditional notion of the nation watching something together. The downloading of television series, and their availability on DVD and Blu- Ray, further drives us to choose and watch TV in small groups or alone. And I reckon that’s a shame.
Back in the ’90s, I went to a Melrose Place party at a five-star hotel in Brisbane’s CBD! As a reporter, you understand! Across the country pubs would host weekly viewing nights. I can’t imagine too many shows these days having that sort of mass appeal or pulling power.
My blueprint for power (If I ruled Queensland) in the last issue of bmag sparked quite a reaction. The policy that appeared to resonate most was my promise that television shows would start and finish on time.
On Twitter, people were fighting over various ministries. For example, self-described Corporate Clown James Caldwell nominated himself Minister for Dr Who! James, you can be the Minister Assisting the Minister for Dr Who (because that will be me!)
Alan Clarke emailed: “Loved your article but you’ve missed one. Make it illegal for restaurants to insist ‘one bill per table’.” I agree!
We’ve had television in Australia since 1956 (1959 in Brisbane) and we’ve been making feature films since 1906 (The Story of the Kelly Gang was the first) and that’s just in Australia. Globally, the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) lists more than 55,000 television series (more than 991,000 episodes) and 257,000+ movies. And those numbers are growing daily.
My son Jack was born 28 years after me. That means, to hold his own in a conversation about popular culture, he has to absorb 28 more years of television shows and movies. Not to mention 28 more years of books. And then there’s music.
As a radio presenter, music is close to my heart. Sometimes when I give talks at service clubs and the like, I’m asked if I can play “better music” on air. What this generally means is “the music of my formative years”. The trouble is that we’ve had pop music – songs that still sound great in 2011 – since the 1950s. Certainly since the 1960s. Since I started on radio in 1990, there are 21 more years’ worth of popular music from which to choose. And still only 24 hours in each day!
Perhaps you think you have a firm handle on the popular culture of the past 50 years. But what about your children? And your children’s children? And your informed children’s children’s children?! The only way future generations will be able to keep up is for someone to invent a way of downloading movies and television series directly into the brain within seconds!
One thing you can do to help the next generation is to consciously expose your children to your favourite music, movies and television shows. So far at my place, I’ve scored wins with The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Goodies, Dr Who, Monty Python and The Muppet Show. I’ve had less success getting Jack hooked on 2001-A Space Odyssey. But there’s still time. He’s only 11. And I know I’ll be able to get him hooked on Man About the House!
When I asked my listeners if they’d done this, the phone lines went into melt-down. It seems many of us harbour the desire to preserve and pass on the popular culture that means something to us.
But it’s an uphill battle. Cast your mind forward and imagine what things will be like in 500 or 1000 years. Which movies will everyone still know and watch in 2511? As the years pass, the cut-off grade for a movie to survive the next generation and the next will get tougher and tougher. Sorry to say it, but perhaps none of the movies made until now will still be watched in 500 years.
Back to television in 2011 and one of the side-effects of these myriad shows on however many channels there are is an end to the mass watching of TV shows. There are exceptions – phenomena like MasterChef and our lingering attachment to the evening news, for example – but on the whole we’re heading away from the traditional notion of the nation watching something together. The downloading of television series, and their availability on DVD and Blu- Ray, further drives us to choose and watch TV in small groups or alone. And I reckon that’s a shame.
Back in the ’90s, I went to a Melrose Place party at a five-star hotel in Brisbane’s CBD! As a reporter, you understand! Across the country pubs would host weekly viewing nights. I can’t imagine too many shows these days having that sort of mass appeal or pulling power.
My blueprint for power (If I ruled Queensland) in the last issue of bmag sparked quite a reaction. The policy that appeared to resonate most was my promise that television shows would start and finish on time.
On Twitter, people were fighting over various ministries. For example, self-described Corporate Clown James Caldwell nominated himself Minister for Dr Who! James, you can be the Minister Assisting the Minister for Dr Who (because that will be me!)
Alan Clarke emailed: “Loved your article but you’ve missed one. Make it illegal for restaurants to insist ‘one bill per table’.” I agree!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Bmag May 24th 2011 - When Spencer is Premier
Nova 106.9 breakfast host Meshel Laurie was recently asked in a live chat online who she hopes is Premier of Queensland after the next election. Her reply: “I wish Spencer Howson could be our Premier. It would be a lovely, informative state and [referring to my penchant for donning ABC-branded clothing] we’d all wear tidy polo shirts every day”.
Crikey, I thought to myself. With Meshel Laurie’s clout behind me, I’d better come up with some policies quicksmart. I started jotting down ideas. I also enlisted my ABC breakfast listeners and together we’ve come up with a blue-print for my assault on the top job. Email me at spencer@bmag.com.au with any additional policy ideas!
It goes without saying that world peace and an end to poverty and discrimination top the list and will be achieved within the first 100 days. But the real question is: what next?
First of all, there will be a government-sponsored advertising campaign reminding people how to use apostrophes, the difference between “there is” and “there are”, and when to use “fewer” instead of “less”. A second campaign will teach people how to indicate on roundabouts and how to stand on escalators (to the left unless overtaking).
In a similar vein, ABC listener Pam of Eatons Hill wants white dotted lines on all footpaths to encourage people to walk on the left. Sue says pub pool rules should be standardised. For example, does a coin on the table mean you play the winner or you take over the table? Colin, of Bribie Island, suggests a set day and time for leaf-blowing and mowing to make the rest of the week just a little bit more peaceful!
Under a Howson government, airports will paint a yellow line two metres from the luggage carousel, behind which passengers can wait until they see their bags.
Shops and fast food restaurants will have one queue, peeling off at the cash registers. There is no fairer way of deciding who is served next. It also saves the stress of trying to pick the fastest queue! There will be no such thing as a minimum EFTPOS transaction. Instead, you will be given the option to pay a small surcharge. I watched a young boy the other day unable to purchase a $4.99 toy because of a shop’s $10 minimum transaction. I’m sure he would have been happier to pay an extra 15 cents than cough up another $5.
Listener Glenn, from Eden’s Landing, wants petrol stations to display tomorrow’s price alongside today’s. Chris suggests a signal be devised so that motorists can indicate they’re about to perform a U-Turn. Marlene says seniors wanting smaller portions should be allowed to order from the children’s menu in restaurants.
When I’m Premier, we’ll have more doors on trains, making it easier for passengers to get on and off, and speeding up the entire network. When you have no mobile phone coverage, you will be given the option to pay a small fee to use a different carrier. This will be just like paying to use another bank’s ATM. TV shows will start and finish on time. Post offices will have stamp machines, or separate stamp queues, so you don’t get stuck behind people paying bills, applying for passports and buying novelty office equipment for birthday presents!
Finally, to ensure the ongoing support of my campaign manager Meshel Laurie, everyone will be supplied with free polo shirts!
In response to my last column on improv vs scripted theatre, I received a note from Alison Pollard-Mansergh who plays Sybil in the touring Faulty Towers Dining Experience. Alison is back home in Brisbane now but was on tour in the Netherlands – they read bmag online all over the world! – when she wrote: “I’m often asked how I could play the same role in the same show for 14 years. The reason is that the show is both scripted and improvised. Often the audience doesn’t know where the script ends and the improv begins. This is a huge joy for us as performers. It’s about time improv had a resurgence in Brisbane. International festivals such as Edinburgh and Brighton Fringes are full of fantastic edge-of-your-seat improv shows.”
Crikey, I thought to myself. With Meshel Laurie’s clout behind me, I’d better come up with some policies quicksmart. I started jotting down ideas. I also enlisted my ABC breakfast listeners and together we’ve come up with a blue-print for my assault on the top job. Email me at spencer@bmag.com.au with any additional policy ideas!
It goes without saying that world peace and an end to poverty and discrimination top the list and will be achieved within the first 100 days. But the real question is: what next?
First of all, there will be a government-sponsored advertising campaign reminding people how to use apostrophes, the difference between “there is” and “there are”, and when to use “fewer” instead of “less”. A second campaign will teach people how to indicate on roundabouts and how to stand on escalators (to the left unless overtaking).
In a similar vein, ABC listener Pam of Eatons Hill wants white dotted lines on all footpaths to encourage people to walk on the left. Sue says pub pool rules should be standardised. For example, does a coin on the table mean you play the winner or you take over the table? Colin, of Bribie Island, suggests a set day and time for leaf-blowing and mowing to make the rest of the week just a little bit more peaceful!
Under a Howson government, airports will paint a yellow line two metres from the luggage carousel, behind which passengers can wait until they see their bags.
Shops and fast food restaurants will have one queue, peeling off at the cash registers. There is no fairer way of deciding who is served next. It also saves the stress of trying to pick the fastest queue! There will be no such thing as a minimum EFTPOS transaction. Instead, you will be given the option to pay a small surcharge. I watched a young boy the other day unable to purchase a $4.99 toy because of a shop’s $10 minimum transaction. I’m sure he would have been happier to pay an extra 15 cents than cough up another $5.
Listener Glenn, from Eden’s Landing, wants petrol stations to display tomorrow’s price alongside today’s. Chris suggests a signal be devised so that motorists can indicate they’re about to perform a U-Turn. Marlene says seniors wanting smaller portions should be allowed to order from the children’s menu in restaurants.
When I’m Premier, we’ll have more doors on trains, making it easier for passengers to get on and off, and speeding up the entire network. When you have no mobile phone coverage, you will be given the option to pay a small fee to use a different carrier. This will be just like paying to use another bank’s ATM. TV shows will start and finish on time. Post offices will have stamp machines, or separate stamp queues, so you don’t get stuck behind people paying bills, applying for passports and buying novelty office equipment for birthday presents!
Finally, to ensure the ongoing support of my campaign manager Meshel Laurie, everyone will be supplied with free polo shirts!
In response to my last column on improv vs scripted theatre, I received a note from Alison Pollard-Mansergh who plays Sybil in the touring Faulty Towers Dining Experience. Alison is back home in Brisbane now but was on tour in the Netherlands – they read bmag online all over the world! – when she wrote: “I’m often asked how I could play the same role in the same show for 14 years. The reason is that the show is both scripted and improvised. Often the audience doesn’t know where the script ends and the improv begins. This is a huge joy for us as performers. It’s about time improv had a resurgence in Brisbane. International festivals such as Edinburgh and Brighton Fringes are full of fantastic edge-of-your-seat improv shows.”
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Bmag May 10th 2011 - Improv vs scripted theatre
There’s a theatre show in Brisbane at the moment which never ends the same way twice. As a result, fans return night after night and are rewarded with a different experience every time. But it’s risky for both the performers and the audience.
It’s called Prognosis: Death! and is best described as a long-form improvised comedy. You might know improvisational theatre – or improv – from TV shows such as Whose Line is it Anyway? and Thank God You’re Here. Those with a longer memory might recall Theatre Sports on ABC TV in the late 1980s, introduced by Paul Chubb and featuring the likes of Andrew Denton, Shaun Micallef and Glenn Robbins.
Unlike Theatre Sports, with its short games and sketches, Prognosis: Death! is a single story, similar in length to a scripted play and with an interval, but the plot is concocted on the night, based on suggestions – or “offers” – from the audience. This particular show has become something of a cult hit and is currently playing its fourth season.
Queensland Theatre Company also has a long-form semi-improvised work playing in Brisbane this month. An Oak Tree is a two-hander. One actor has a script whilst the other must improvise. The latter role is being performed by 23 different actors during the season.
But improv theatre is not for everyone. I started to wonder whether there was a strong divide in the theatre community between traditional plays and improv so I put the question to my actor friend Norman Doyle.
Norman quickly calmed down my journalistic instinct to paint the story in black and white! He says, “It seems to me an odd debate. There’s no real conflict between actors doing plays and those doing improv. They’re often the same people. Improv is useful for actors in plays, both in rehearsal and, when required, on stage. To contrive a division is spurious. We’re all in the same pool, but are more proficient at different strokes than others.”
However, when asked about his preference, Norman Doyle offered this insight: “I’m not big into improv for the simple reason that many practitioners are 10 times less funny than they think they are. If you play funny, you’re less funny.” Ouch.
Natalie Bochenski, artistic director of ImproMafia, the company behind Prognosis: Death!, admits “it can fail. It does fail. But when you hit a high note, when a story comes together, or a joke just bursts out of nowhere and makes the audience guffaw, the feeling is unlike anything I personally experience in scripted theatre. You could say the lows are lower but the highs are oh-so-higher.
“Some actors don’t like improvisation or won’t do it. Some say they don’t have the skill for it but I suspect it’s more about fear.”
Of course, that risk is there for the Theatre on the edge audience as well. If you’re hooked in by a positive theatre review and go along to a play, you’re safe in the knowledge you will see close to the same production you were reading about in the review. But with improv, you can’t be sure what you’ll see.
The fact is, some improv moments will fall flat. But from my experience, the audience is always so supportive, so ready to be taken on a mystery tour, that somehow it works. It’s not the dips you’ll remember the next day. It’s the great moments and the huge belly-laughs. And you’ll marvel at where the performers pulled them from.
Prognosis: Death! is on at Brisbane Arts Theatre, Petrie Terrace, and An Oak Tree is on at Bille Brown Studio, South Brisbane, both until 14 May. Norman Doyle’s next play is Nina Raine’s Rabbit at Metro Arts, city, from 22 July to 6 August.
Finally, in my column in bmag a few weeks ago (22 March), I told you about Evan Davis and his event-based travels around the world. Evan’s Twitter friends have just spent a couple of weeks with him in the UK, at the Royal Wedding and searching for the Loch Ness Monster. Evan, dubbed “The Man in the Front Row of History”, was even part of the BBC’s coverage of the wedding! For those who are keen to armchairtravel with Evan, his next event is the Eurovision Song Contest in Germany. Click on twitter.com/evanonthegc.
It’s called Prognosis: Death! and is best described as a long-form improvised comedy. You might know improvisational theatre – or improv – from TV shows such as Whose Line is it Anyway? and Thank God You’re Here. Those with a longer memory might recall Theatre Sports on ABC TV in the late 1980s, introduced by Paul Chubb and featuring the likes of Andrew Denton, Shaun Micallef and Glenn Robbins.
Unlike Theatre Sports, with its short games and sketches, Prognosis: Death! is a single story, similar in length to a scripted play and with an interval, but the plot is concocted on the night, based on suggestions – or “offers” – from the audience. This particular show has become something of a cult hit and is currently playing its fourth season.
Queensland Theatre Company also has a long-form semi-improvised work playing in Brisbane this month. An Oak Tree is a two-hander. One actor has a script whilst the other must improvise. The latter role is being performed by 23 different actors during the season.
But improv theatre is not for everyone. I started to wonder whether there was a strong divide in the theatre community between traditional plays and improv so I put the question to my actor friend Norman Doyle.
Norman quickly calmed down my journalistic instinct to paint the story in black and white! He says, “It seems to me an odd debate. There’s no real conflict between actors doing plays and those doing improv. They’re often the same people. Improv is useful for actors in plays, both in rehearsal and, when required, on stage. To contrive a division is spurious. We’re all in the same pool, but are more proficient at different strokes than others.”
However, when asked about his preference, Norman Doyle offered this insight: “I’m not big into improv for the simple reason that many practitioners are 10 times less funny than they think they are. If you play funny, you’re less funny.” Ouch.
Natalie Bochenski, artistic director of ImproMafia, the company behind Prognosis: Death!, admits “it can fail. It does fail. But when you hit a high note, when a story comes together, or a joke just bursts out of nowhere and makes the audience guffaw, the feeling is unlike anything I personally experience in scripted theatre. You could say the lows are lower but the highs are oh-so-higher.
“Some actors don’t like improvisation or won’t do it. Some say they don’t have the skill for it but I suspect it’s more about fear.”
Of course, that risk is there for the Theatre on the edge audience as well. If you’re hooked in by a positive theatre review and go along to a play, you’re safe in the knowledge you will see close to the same production you were reading about in the review. But with improv, you can’t be sure what you’ll see.
The fact is, some improv moments will fall flat. But from my experience, the audience is always so supportive, so ready to be taken on a mystery tour, that somehow it works. It’s not the dips you’ll remember the next day. It’s the great moments and the huge belly-laughs. And you’ll marvel at where the performers pulled them from.
Prognosis: Death! is on at Brisbane Arts Theatre, Petrie Terrace, and An Oak Tree is on at Bille Brown Studio, South Brisbane, both until 14 May. Norman Doyle’s next play is Nina Raine’s Rabbit at Metro Arts, city, from 22 July to 6 August.
Finally, in my column in bmag a few weeks ago (22 March), I told you about Evan Davis and his event-based travels around the world. Evan’s Twitter friends have just spent a couple of weeks with him in the UK, at the Royal Wedding and searching for the Loch Ness Monster. Evan, dubbed “The Man in the Front Row of History”, was even part of the BBC’s coverage of the wedding! For those who are keen to armchairtravel with Evan, his next event is the Eurovision Song Contest in Germany. Click on twitter.com/evanonthegc.
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