Bmag March 19th 2013 - Tech-snobs, stacked glasses and jugs!

I’ve had a gutful of techno-snobbery. A couple of weeks ago, when I posted on Twitter “ Sydney Morning Herald going tabloid/compact from tomorrow. Is The Age doing the same?”, @BrettS69 replied “Do they still sell paper newspapers? Really?”

That same day I tweeted: “Two weeks ago, I rang bank to request something. They said they’d call back. I’ve now decided I should call them and no record of my initial call.” @Trimega responded: “Who calls a bank anymore?” And, I can’t begin to tell you how much e-laughter I cop whenever I admit that I still have an AOL email address.

I recently turned 41 and am starting to get an understanding of what it’s like to be ridiculed by the next generation. And I don’t like it. I do my best to keep up – heck, I know what Pheed is! But when I mentioned all this to a 60-ish fellow customer at the bakery the other day, he just nodded slowly, smiled and said: “You have a long way to go yet!”

So at the risk of sounding curmudgeonly and stuck-in-my-ways, leave me alone! Yes, I still buy the paper. Yes, I ring the bank. And while we’re at it, no I won’t use self-checkout at the supermarket, because I believe that’s taking people’s jobs away. I much prefer to buy from a shop in Brisbane than order online from overseas. I choose 2D over 3D. And I still have a street directory in the car! Look, I’m not anti-technology but I believe we should be allowed to make our own choices and move at our own speed, without the judgement of others.

And now, perhaps the most useful thing you’ll read today! We’ve all made the mistake of stacking glasses and having two stick together. My wife Nikki recently came home with a dozen tumblers, unusual in that they had lumps or bumps of glass all around the inside. They looked great but those bumps really knew how to hold onto another glass! The first night we used them, it happened! I just could not separate the two glasses!

So, I turned to Twitter and Facebook for ideas (as I said, I’m not anti-technology). Solutions on Twitter included “Run under hot water” (@LovelyWife), “Twist” (@LaurenTrim), “Tap around rim” (@RoBaumgart) and “Put them in the freezer” (@Edumak8). There was also this from @Jim_Pembroke: “Fill top glass with a good whiskey, straight, ice if you must, and drink. Repeat until the bottom glass blurs into obscurity”! And from @SEQMW: “There is nothing you can do except smash one glass. But which one? It’s like choosing favourite child!” Meanwhile, on Facebook, Neil Symes suggested “run it under cold water”, Kathryn Cruise said “bottom in hot water the way to go” and Bill McDonald wrote “small side to side shimmies, while gently pulling in opposite directions. Throw the odd twist in there. Make it look fancy!”

In the end, it was a combination of Twitter and Facebook solutions that did the trick. So write this down. From my mum on Facebook, “pour washing up liquid into the top where the two glasses are stuck” and from @RobertHoge on Twitter, “cold water in the top glass, place the bottom third of the bottom glass in hot water and give it a few minutes”. Hey presto! It worked! Once the ordeal was over, former radio host Ian Skippen turned blogger (for laughs, please check out www.ianskippen.blogspot. com.au ) told me: “Never stick a glass into a glass. You can never decide which glass is half full or half empty. One glass is always half full. Don’t thank me. Just say...glassias!”

On the subject of glasses and drinking, a local winemaker showed me a simple method he uses to improve a bottle of red. Decant into a big jug, then pour forcefully into another jug and back into the first. Repeat, getting more and more dramatic, pouring from higher and higher. Depending on who you’re drinking with, you may want to pour the wine back into the bottle before serving. It’s all about aeration, of course. Nothing new there, but as we’ve found, getting the jugs out makes for an exciting pre-dinner show for guests!

Bmag Tues 5th March 2013 - Entertainment outside Brisbane, Goodbye yesterdays

At the end of last year, I promised Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale I would see at least one show at the Ipswich Civic Centre this year. I’d been once before, to address a Rotary district conference, but never experienced a performance. I can now report that, as of last week, I’ve ticked off that particular new year resolution, having taken my son ‘Mr 12’ to see comedian and ventriloquist David Strassman. A couple of observations about the Ipswich Civic Centre experience.

Firstly, the motorway from Brisbane was virtually empty on a Saturday night. Unrecognisably so. Secondly, parking near the Civic Centre was a doddle and cost nothing. Thirdly, they allowed drinks in the auditorium – very civilised! The only criticism I’d make is that the stalls seating is flat on the ground and could do with being slightly sloped to improve the view from the back. But that’s a minor quibble.

So now I’m going to ask you the question Paul Pisasale put to me. Have you ever seen a show in Ipswich? What about Cleveland? Or Logan? As wonderful as Brisbane’s cultural venues are – QPAC, the Roundhouse, the Bille Brown Studio, the Judith Wright Centre, the Powerhouse – it really is worth keeping an eye on other (often council-run) venues across the south east. Within a stone’s throw of Brisbane are the Redland Performing Arts Centre, Logan Entertainment Centre, Redcliffe Cultural Centre and Ipswich Civic Centre. Bands, comedians and plays regularly include these theatres in their tours. In fact, David Strassman only played Ipswich and the Gold Coast this time around. There were no Brisbane dates.

And here’s a tip. If you spot a show going from venue to venue, compare ticket prices. Next month, British comedian Ross Noble is $59 at Boondall but $14 cheaper at the Logan Entertainment Centre. Guess where the Howsons will be seeing him. In May, The Book Club starring Amanda Muggleton is $40 at the QUT Gardens Theatre but only $26 at the Logan Entertainment Centre the following night!

What happened to yesterday?

There are many 50th anniversaries this year, from the Beatles debut album Please Please Me to the first episode of Doctor Who , the Great Train Robbery and the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Iron Man first appeared in Marvel comics, Coca-Cola introduced its first diet drink (anyone remember TaB?), we were introduced to touch-button phones and Martin Luther King declared “I have a dream!” And in Italy, Sophia Loren starred in an Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe-winning film Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow .

Of all those events, it’s the Sophia Loren film that has my oft-tangential mind in a spin! Have you noticed the way the media has started veering away from those three words? Not always, but increasingly. A Friday news report will say something happened “on Thursday” instead of “yesterday”. I first spotted this some years ago on CNN and BBC World News. Their presenters can be anywhere from London to Doha, Hong Kong to Washington. Their viewers are spread across the world where it might already be tomorrow, or can still be yesterday. It’s understandable, then, that they might use days of the week in place of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

But it’s creeping in here. Fairfax newspapers, including brisbanetimes.com.au, seem especially keen on the practice. Brisbane Times managing editor Simon Holt confirms my observation:

“Primarily, it’s to eliminate confusion. While most sites do carry a dateline on the story, it’s not as evident as it once was when we picked up a newspaper. The other reason is that newsrooms are preparing content for multiple platforms. If [an online story appears in] the newspaper the following day, it requires all references to be changed to ‘yesterday’. While this might not seem like extreme double handling, you can see a need to streamline the process.”

It’s not just the media. Have a look at warnings on the Bureau of Meteorology website sometime. And already I’m hearing it in conversations. Sure, words come and go, and we can’t get too hung up on our constantly evolving English language. But what would a remake of Sophia Loren’s 1963 film now be called? “Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday”? It’s not quite the same.

Bmag Feb 19th 2013 - Cucumber theory of life

It’s not unusual for people to stick affirmation statements on their bathroom mirror or fridge door, to encourage excellence in everyday living. One of the most common is: “Aim for the stars and even if you fail, you’ll land on the moon”. There are variations, such as “...wherever you land, it will be new and exciting”. I have my own saying, which I’m pretty sure you won’t have heard before. I tell myself: “A slice of cucumber on every sandwich”! Let me explain.

Some 30-odd years ago, I was watching a television show about train travel. They interviewed a bloke whose job was to put cucumber slices on pre-prepared sandwiches. Every few seconds, the conveyor-belt would deliver an open sandwich to him. He would use his tongs to add one slice of cucumber, before the sandwich went on to have the next ingredient added. This fellow, whose job might seem the most menial and repetitive, empowered himself with the knowledge that his input was absolutely critical. And you know what? He was right. If he missed just one sandwich, the person who eventually paid for it would sit down, take a big bite and be disappointed that their sandwich didn’t have any cucumber on it!

Whatever it is that you do over and over again, think of it as a slice of cucumber going on a sandwich. You can put in a poor performance once and shrug it off. Or you can consider the importance of the cucumber to that one customer who won’t see all the other sandwiches but will sure-as-heck remember theirs!

For me, this is how I approach radio. I never know when you’re going to switch on in the morning. It’s no good me having four great interviews or segments before you wake up, if the first one you hear is a dud. Every minute of that breakfast show is a sandwich and every minute gets its cucumber!

Of course, you can apply this philosophy to anything and everything. Just recently, the Howsons were on the receiving end of some spectacular cucumber work. Just to confuse you, it involves actual fruit and veg, but thankfully not cucumbers. That would be too weird. We have our greens delivered from the markets. We order online at night and it arrives the next afternoon. But the downside of ordering online is you can’t judge the quality yourself. You can’t squeeze the avocados!

Well, this week, there was a note attached to our delivery which read: “I wasn’t overly impressed with the beans so I have given you a few but I will take the cost of the beans off. Also the cage eggs I had only had six days left, so I have replaced with free range at no extra cost. Cheers, Jen.”

How good’s that? None of her other customers knows about that note but we do and I can tell you we were impressed. Jen could easily have let through those dud beans and almost-expired eggs, like a sandwich without its slice of cucumber. Maybe we can also extend the cucumber theory to the whole of our lives. Perhaps we should strive to ensure every day has its slice of cucumber.

Not that I want you to see me as some sort of spiritual motivator, but...

My last column for 2012 ( bmag, 18 December) was about me settling disagreements with listeners and readers over coffee rather than via email or social media. The feedback from you was universally positive.

Grant Vandersee was one of the first to respond: “Excellent column. Really great advice. Shame there isn’t more of this going on.”

Sylvia Jeffreys described it as “a great lesson from Spencer Howson”, whilst Jillian Whiting tweeted: “You are a gem, Spencer. Take notes kids!” Donna Weeks agrees with the benefits of working things out face-to-face: “At work I’m making an effort to speak with people rather than try to thrash it out via email.” And Stacey Rawlings says it’s “very hard to beat the personal connection on any issue”.

Throughout 2013, I’d love to include your comments in this column. For instance, what do you think of the cucumber theory? You can always email me at the address below tweet me @SpencerHowson or message me on Facebook. You never know – we might end up discussing it over coffee!

Bmag Dec 18th 2012 - Let's talk!

The greatest lesson I have learned in 2012, and one which I now hope to pass on to anyone who will listen, is the importance of talking things out. Radio station 4BC had a great line in its recent TV advertising campaign: “Talk is cheap but it can free your mind. It can start a war. Talk can end a war”. It’s so true. I want to tell you a story that goes back to a bmag column in July. The story ends a week ago, with me and a bloke called Brian having a good old laugh in the coffee shop which is situated directly underneath my radio studio at South Bank.

On 10 July, I suggested a possible compromise and way forward on the issue of same-sex marriage. I wrote: “We need two different types of marriage, to be known as a Church Marriage and a Civil Marriage. A Church Marriage would remain between a man and a woman – unless religious leaders one day decided otherwise. A Civil Marriage would include same-sex couples.” That column generated more feedback than any other I have written, but one email stood out. Among those disagreeing with me was Tony Salacich who wrote: “I’d like to meet and talk for an hour about the issue.” He went on to say: “My attempts at writing to [writers of ] other newspaper articles were either poorly received or misunderstood.” And so I agreed. It was the first time I’d ever sat down with a stranger (albeit a bmag reader who felt he knew me) to discuss a difference of opinions.

And it was great. We talked for just over an hour and I came to understand why Tony, a former high school chaplain, was so protective of the institution of marriage. I’m not going to elaborate here because it involves other people in Tony’s life, but it’s fair to say we both walked away with a greater appreciation of each others’ views.

So inspired was I by Tony’s enthusiasm for sitting down over a cup of coffee that I then invited another bmag reader, who had also disagreed with my same-sex marriage compromise, to do the same. I guess she thought I was being provocative, for she replied: “Thank you Spencer but I think I’ll give it a miss. I’m just hoping that some of what you write is just a job to you and you yourself are a moral and courageous man.”

Fast-forward to earlier this month and a Twitter user by the name of @GuruatLarge decided to let fly at me one night, saying (among other things): “You ruined my radio station with your knob (sic) ego.” Again I channelled bmag reader Tony Salacich with my response: “Come and have a coffee and we can chat about this.” Well blow me down if he didn’t say yes! So just last week, @GuruatLarge (real name Brian King) and I spent a good 45 minutes thrashing out our differences! Except, it wasn’t really like that.

We probably spent 10 minutes discussing Brian’s concerns – worthwhile reminders for me about what listeners want and need from a radio station – and then we just connected as blokes and shot the breeze. Turns out Brian’s a musician whose band has been trialling an unusual new recording technique – he’s going to send me one of his songs to play on 612 ABC Breakfast – and we both have a fascination with a phone app that lets you identify aircraft. We finished with Brian taking a “selfy” photo of the two of us, which he later tweeted with the message: “Had a great time talking radio with @SpencerHowson this morning. Great bloke to talk to.”

 What Tony and Brian both taught me is that we should take the time to talk – and, more importantly, listen. How many times have you complained about something and felt your concerns weren’t even heard? So if, like me, you’re in a position that involves customer contact and the odd complaint, see if you can’t take a moment to understand where they’re coming from. Often that’s all any of us want – to be heard. And so we come to the end of my second year writing for bmag. Thank you for reading and engaging. It’s a real thrill for me to have this exchange of ideas every fortnight. Keep the emails coming. May I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah.

Bmag Dec 4th 2012 - Christmas music

Warning: the following column may contain traces of Wham! To mark my 20th Christmas on ABC Radio, I’m going to share with you the four key lessons I’ve learned about broadcasting at this time of year. You won’t agree with all four. You may not agree with any of them. But in order to avoid vigorously hand-written letters from well-meaning arguably-traditional listeners, I do my best to comply with the following:

Firstly, don’t talk about Christmas until December. That is, unless you’re joining the chorus of disapproval about the shops putting out their decorations too early. (What I love about the annual “it’s not Christmas yet” Talkback-101 are the people who get riled in October or November because they’ve just noticed the trees and baubles for sale at their local department store. Try August!)

Secondly, never shorten Christmas to Xmas. Not that this is a problem when you’re speaking on the radio, but as soon as you write Xmas on social media, in a Christmas card, on the net or in an email, expect to be criticised. (Similarly, try never to write or say the word “kids” – “Dear Mr Howson, a kid is a baby goat.”)

Thirdly, Christmas is Christmas. Christmas is not “the holiday season”. I know that if I start wishing my radio guests and listeners “happy holidays”, I can expect letters. Throwing in the odd “and Happy Chanukah” seems to go down well – no complaints so far – just as “Happy Eid” at the end of Ramadan never attracts listener complaints. So just say what it is (Christmas, Chanukah) instead of trying to say nothing (Happy Holidays).

But the number one lesson I’ve learned from 20 years of Christmas broadcasting on the ABC, is that a carol can be a song but not all songs are carols. Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells are not carols. They are songs. O Come, All Ye Faithful is a carol. Fair enough, too, I’m not going to disagree. For all that, I do love Christmas.

As one of my Twitter followers @NikitaBombita said the other day: “Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. I will forever be a child a Christmas. A child who drinks beer at Christmas.” I think that will be my motto this year! My Christmas playlist Apart from the booze and food, and being with family and friends, and just watching children’s faces, I also derive much joy from playing Christmas songs (both on the radio and at home). So I’ve come up with a list of my all-time favourites.

These are the songs I wait for all year! Expect to hear the following on 612 Breakfast over the next few weeks: Band Aid Do They Know It’s Christmas?, The Muppets It Feels Like Christmas, Michael Crawford O Holy Night, Chris Rea Driving Home for Christmas, Louis Armstrong Is That You Santa Claus?, Tim Minchin Drinking White Wine in the Sun, The Andy McDonell Contraption Xmas in Scarborough (his spelling, not mine!) and Wham Last Christmas! (Hey, at least there’s no Nickelback in that list!)

And finally, here’s something you might not know about Christmas. Brisbane Riverside Lions Club helps Santa write to South East Queensland children. Applications for letters close on 12 December. It costs just $3, with the money going to research for juvenile diabetes and children’s cancer. Find out more at www.riversidelions.asn.au.

The numbers game

From the last issue of bmag (20 November), several readers correctly answered the homework question. Andrew Kopittke was the first to point out the signs on Oxley Road (as you approach the Ipswich Motorway) say M2 instead of M7. Andrew emailed: “I used to live just near that sign and saw it lots and never realised it was wrong!”

And Katherine May responded to my pointing out the time/date combination of 8.09 on 10/11/12: “I had to share my awesome set of numbers. My birthday is 10/09/1981. I can add up the date of my birthday to get my age (eg 10+9+12=31). I’ll never have problems figuring out how old I am!” Katherine, and others who share this obsession with number patterns, I hope you have special plans for 12.12 on 12/12/12 next week! We won’t see a perfect set of numbers like that until 1 January 2101!

Bmag Nov 20th 2012 - Motorway numbers

It’s always good when you find someone who shares the same interests as you, especially when those interests are a touch esoteric. All those eclipse-chasers I met in Cairns, for instance. They’ve now gone back to their daily grind, but for a brief moment we were united by our shared passion for the ultimate occultation, the obscurity of the sun by the moon! Similarly, I’m discovering more and more people who share my enjoyment of patterns in dates. You may recall I dedicated a whole column (bmag, 21 February) to the subject. Imagine my joy when someone tweeted me at 8.09am on 10/11/12 just to make sure I had noticed the sequence!

Another slightly geeky fascination of mine, as yet unexplored here in the pages of bmag but rekindled this week by reader Andrew Birch, is the alphanumeric naming of our motorways. Andrew wondered if I had noticed the recent addition of an M4 (I hadn’t). He was also keen to point out the curious case of the missing motorway, the M6 (I’ll explain shortly!). My interest in alphanumeric motorway names comes from growing up in the UK. A trip to Manchester would begin on the A6, before we joined the M6 at Preston and then the M61 and M60. It’s a different language but it’s just how everyone speaks. Here, it’s never really taken off. The M1 to the Gold Coast was our first, yet despite us also having an M2, M3, M4, M5 and M7, noone seems to use those names. If I’m telling someone how to drive from Ipswich to Mt Coot-tha, I’ll say come up the M2 onto the M7 then the M5. Often I’ll have to start again: “Come up the Ipswich Motorway, go past the Logan Motorway exit and onto the Western Freeway.”

Of course, with the advent of in-car GPS devices, does anyone really need to know the names of roads? Probably not. Just as the internet has rendered unnecessary any knowledge that you once kept in your head. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to think there are things I know without having to consult a piece of technology. And so, for the record, here’s how the motorway numbering works.

The odd numbered roads run (roughly) north-south and the even numbered roads are west-east. The M1 goes from the Gold Coast to the Sunshine Coast via the Sir Leo Hielscher (Gateway) Bridges. The M3 (A3 in parts) is the Pacific Motorway from Eight Mile Plains to the CBD, along the Riverside Expressway, up the Inner City Bypass to Lutwyche and Gympie Roads, meeting the M1 at Bald Hills. The M2 is an odd beast. Travelling from Ipswich, M2 refers to the Ipswich Motorway as far as Gailes. Then the Logan Motorway takes on the name M2, but not for the entire length of the Logan Motorway. Turn onto the Gateway Motorway at Drewvale and you’re still on the M2 (until you meet the M1 at Eight Mile Plains). The M7 is the Ipswich Motorway from Gailes to the Clem7 Tunnel and on to the new AirportLink toll road. And the M5 runs from Springfield to Toowong and will continue into the Legacy Way tunnel once completed.

So what about the missing M6? The section of Logan Motorway from Drewvale to the M1 at Loganholme still carries the old designation “Metroad 6” (a six in a hexagon) and has yet to be renamed. Main Roads Minister Scott Emerson tells me the introduction of new signage has been gradual: “On top of the cost of replacing signs on the primary route, there is also the cost of signage of the tributary routes.” But there’s a twist when it comes to the M6. Mr Emerson says: “As you know it was sold off by the previous government so signage is now a matter for Queensland Motorways.”

This just leaves the brand new M4 which, as Andrew Birch recently discovered and was excited to share with me, is the Port of Brisbane Motorway from the M1 near the Gateway Bridges to the Port of Brisbane. How could you not be fascinated by all of that?! Now here’s some homework for you! Next time you drive south along Oxley Road, see if you can work out what’s wrong with the signage as you approach the Ipswich Motorway.

Bmag Nov 6th 2012 - Slow news day, neighbourly wifi names

If there’s one expression I wish the 1990s ABC TV show Frontline had not taught people, it’s “Slow News Day”. Research tells us people want light and shade in their news reporting, not just serious analysis or world politics, yet you spend just two minutes on radio discussing a fun topic like the direction people like to cut their sandwiches (I prefer mine triangular, my wife likes hers in rectangles) and someone will pipe up with: “Slow News Day?”

I’ve kept quiet about this until now. I understand that some people want deadly serious topics all day, every day; others, incidentally, demand more good-news stories from the media, so you can never please everyone all the time! But something happened that has caused me to break my silence! Discussing road safety last week, I asked listeners to remind me which way you should look when crossing the road (was it left-rightleft or right-left-right?). That was enough to see Petros tweeting “Slow News Day?”

Well no, Petros, it’s very simple. I didn’t want anyone, especially children, getting the wrong information and putting themselves in danger. So you can put away your convenient threeword cover-all media critique. And just in case you’re wondering, in Australia you should look right, then left, then right again.

Rental register feedback

In the last issue of bmag I asked you what you thought of a register for rental properties and their agents. The suggestion was made by 612 listener Steve who had an issue with overhanging branches from the rental property next door. Unable to find out from the tenants, Steve struggled to identify the property manager to discuss chopping back the trees.

In response, Alicia Wright emailed: “I couldn’t help but feel sometimes renters get a bad rap. We’ve had plenty of neighbour problems in the past but the main offenders were people who owned houses in the street. Who do you complain to when the problem is the owner?” I want to be clear about this. I wasn’t having a go at renters and I don’t think Steve was either. It’s just that sometimes – when it’s about trees, fences, development applications and the like – you need to contact the owner or their agent.

Matt Troughton offered a tenant’s perspective: “We rent and had a neighbour complain directly to our agent about our dog barking. The agent would give us no info, no times or dates, due to ‘privacy issues’. It would have been easier to solve the issue if [the complainant] had come straight to us!”

Don’t steal my internet

Still on the subject of neighbours, I hear the latest way to send a passive-aggressive shot over the fence is to hide messages in the name of your wireless internet network. Some people never allocate a name but it can be handy if you have several networks within your home, perhaps one for guests and one for your family.

Technology commentator Peter Black mentioned the phenomenon on my radio show, citing overseas examples like “Stop Stealing My Paper” and “Your Music is Too Loud”, but it took very little prompting to gather similar WiFi names from around Brisbane.

Emma Gunders told me: “We’ve got ‘Don’t Steal My Internet’ somewhere around us. We think it might be the new people across the road.” In Sam Eeles’s street there’s “Get Your Own WiFi”. And Ian Harper’s computer picks up the very pointed “B*gger off”.

Thankfully, from what I can gather, many of the creative WiFi monikers in Brisbane are merely aimed at soliciting a laugh. Around Guy Law’s place, there’s “Your Mum” and “Free Willy”, Jen Hansen picks up the groanworthy “PEN15”, Alexandra Nash’s neighbours have “Boobies (.)(.)”,

Cath Allen says there’s “Surveillance Van 4” somewhere near her and Sarah Margrath’s devices pick up “Where are my pants?”

James Kennedy is someone who has a message hidden in his WiFi name. He told me: “Spencer, the kids named my network ‘Furious Dad’. As a result the neighbours are very well behaved! LOL.”

And Susan Hetherington recalls: “Ours used to be called VirusVault. The IT man who set it up said it would deter people.” Okay, I know you want to do it. Go ahead, put the magazine down for a moment and see what WiFi names your phone or tablet can pick up where you are right now!